All summer long, I've heard the horrible "kid's cuss words": I'm bored. I hear ALL the mommas out there groan in agreement. I battle The Daughters each summer to get them to STOP saying "I'm bored" despite the fact that we have an in-ground pool, 2 dogs, a swing set, a game system, a laptop AND a desktop, 2 bikes, 2 scooters, 4 pair of skates, a piano, 2 easels, approximately $23,402 worth of toys, and 423 books. On or about the second day of summer, they start in with their "I'm bored" battle cry and they stop approximately 2 hours before school starts back.
By the time Staples starts offering 1 cent folders (with the purchase of a laptop), all I have to do is recognize the preceding sigh and my eye starts twitching and I start rattling off dozens of things they could do. Then I cover my ears and sing, "Lalalalalalalalalalala!" so as to not hear them say the dreaded words because I am certain - beyond the shadow of any doubt - that if I have to hear those words any longer, I'll begin my morning by pouring tequila on my Special K. What? That's not right. I'll probably start skipping my Special K and having just the tequila. Can I get an AMEN from those summer-weary mommas?
Good news, my friends. We've survived our first three days of school and can I just say that The Daughters have the world's best teachers this year because on this fabulous afternoon, they both sat - glassy eyed - reading and dozing. They were so worn out and exhausted that, even if they wanted to, they couldn't even utter the word "bored." ~sigh~ I have seen the promised land!
But it was NOT an extended stay.
Let's go back to this afternoon when The almost-comatose Daughters were grateful for the down time to relax... and the house was almost heavenly...
Almost.
For, this afternoon, as the rain poured from the heavens onto our 136 degree grounds, and our air conditioner shut off for the first time in about 40 days and nights (the thermostat is set at 83!), The Dad sat in his recliner and sighed.
"What's up, Buttercup?" I lovingly asked The Dad with a smile on my face and a twinkle in my eye (or something like that).
And then...my serene nirvana crashed. The Dad, sighing again, said, "I'm bored."
The Daughters, even though they were barely alert, they were aware enough of this dastardly utterance by the man they were afraid would become a distant and fond memory at the hands of their Momma and they, pressing their backs against the wall, scooted to their rooms to huddle on their beds.
With my brow furrowed and my voice about three octaves below normal, I whispered, "Wha---???"
With yet another sigh, The Dad spoke the second most popular kid's cuss word, "I have nothing to do."
Now, I'm pretty sure he'll not utter those words again after he figures out how to get the dismantled recliner off of his body, but in case he does, here's a small list of "things to do." (Feel free to steal the list and post it on your fridge in case you have a bored Dad-like character living in your home.)
1. Mommas will NEVER turn down a pedicure - complete with foot rub. NEVER. Ever never.
2. Even though the bathrooms are cleaned with some regularity (at least once a month for The Dad's poker games!), as soon as just one person uses the facilities - again, the bathrooms are dirty - again. Clean them.
3. I really didn't place a special coating on the table tops and other flat surfaces of our home just so The Daughters could practice their penmanship or art skills. They are dusty. Dust them off.
4. I will ALWAYS sit and watch the following movies with you: Mamma Mia, Grease, Moulin Rouge and the PBS John Denver Special.
5. And - if you sing along with the previously mentioned DVDs when appropriate, you'll most likely not be bored when we go to bed tonight {wink, wink, nudge, nudge}!
6. Despite the abundance of frozen dinner packages you'll find in the trash during certain times of the year, dinner doesn't cook itself. But you certainly can!
7. Even though I read Eat, Pray and Love, I didn't quite get into it as much as everyone else did. Maybe if someone would read it TO me, I'd totally get what the fuss is all about. Maybe.
8. That weird looking thing in the closet on which we drape our jackets really doesn't exist to keep our hoodies conveniently located toward the front of the closet. It actually was created to vacuum our carpets. Unfortunately it needs a person to operate it in order for it to fulfill its mission in our home. And despite your objections that you don't know how to use it, it's on-the-job training. So, get busy, Bucko!
9. We have an iron. We have an ironing board. They are dusty and appear to be just for show, they are still in working order. I've been telling myself that the wrinkled look is in. It's not. You could iron our clothes. BONUS: You'd become my mom's favorite son-in-law with this little act alone!
AND, 10. Did I mention that I love foot rubs? I did? Good. Don't forget this option...
