The Dad and I each had our own phones and The Daughters were too young to be left without one of us and we were glad to get rid of that monthly bill.
This summer, in a moment of weakness, I added another mobile line, and we called it the "house phone." There have been a few moments (none of which I am proud) where Daughter 1 found herself sick in the bathroom and I found myself in the land of Frazzle and we've been seperated - namely she in the bathroom and I in the minivan. So, it made sense that we add this house phone because I showed no signs of leaving Frazzle anytime soon.
This has actually been a convenient addition to our house. I can go walking the neighborhood with my phone and The Daughters can stay home with the security that our home phone can bring.
This is also convenient for when I am out grocery shopping and The Daughters are home with The Dad and he makes them mad about something or another that I have no control over. The Daughters can then sneak the house phone into the bathroom, lock the door and call me to tell me just how unfair The Dad is and ask me pertinent questions like, "What are you going to do about it, Momma?"
Usually, it's Daughter 1 who is doing the calling. She's high maintainence and proud of it. Take for example last weekend when my friend Farmer Brown and I had a garage sale at her home. The Daughters had strep throat and The Dad was at home making Daughter 1 "utterly bothered." (Direct quote. I kid you not.) After the sixth call where Daughter 1 was telling me just how mean The Dad was because he wouldn't drive her to go get her own pizza (with HIS money because she doesn't want to waste her money on the pizza!), Farmer Brown reminded me that I do have caller ID and I do have the option of just not answering. She's a smart one, that Farmer Brown! (She's also the mother of three - none of whom called her at all during the day. None, I tell ya! NONE!)
The Dad, Daughter 1 and I have had a long-overdue, sit-down, come-to-Jesus talk that the house phone is not a direct line to 1-800-TATTLE-TAIL. And, it actually worked!! Since, there have been a couple of opportunities for Daughter 1 to be home with The Dad and they solved their Momma-less conflicts on their own. Again... I had peace.
Until -- there's always an "until", right? -- until Daughter 1 and I went to the library, leaving The Dad and Daughter 2, who is a social butterfly, home alone with each other. Based on the time it took for me to get the first call from Daughter 2, I estimate that it took The Dad approximately 3 minutes and 45 seconds to settle into a nice afternoon nap. And then it took Daughter 2 approximately 15 seconds to grab the phone and make the first call.
Daughter 1 called me to have me settle conflicts of which I was not a part. Daughter 2 called me to entertain her.
Call Number 1
Daughter 2: Hey Momma. Ummm... What's the name of that song they sing in Mamma Mia where the girl plays her guitar with her three dads?
Me: Our Last Summer.
Daughter 2: Oh, yeah. Can you sing it to me?
Call Number 2
Daughter 2: Hey Momma. Ummm... Do you remember when we had the monkey cake for my birthday party?
Me: Yes.
Daughter 2: How old was I then?
Me: Two years old.
Daughter 2: Ok, then. what cake did I have for my third birthday? And fourth? And fifth? And sixth?
Call Number 3
Daughter 2: Hey Momma. Ummm.... If Lady Gaga comes to our town, can we go see her sing at a concert?
Me: No.
Daughter 2: Why not?
Me: I don't think it'd be a kid show.
Daughter 2: What? But I know all of the words to "Poker Face"! And I'm a kid!
Me: Then you shouldn't listen to so much radio.
Daughter 2: What? Then how will I know how to sing "Poker Face"?
Call Number 4
Daughter 2: Hey Momma. Ummm... Are you at the library yet?
Me: Almost.
Daughter 2: OK, then when you get there can you get a Ramona book and read it to me?
Me: You have all the Ramona books already.
Daughter 2: No... I mean you sit in the library and I'll sit in the living room and you can read it to me on the phone.
Me: Where's your Daddy?
Daughter 2: Asleep. {whispering} Be very quiet.
Call Number 5 (My phone to The Dad's phone)
Daughter 2: Hello?
Me: Let me talk to your Daddy.
Daughter 2: Momma! I told you he was asleep! Why would you call his phone and try to wake him up?
After approximately 23 more calls, 8 books checked out and a short drive back home, I walked in to see The Dad still asleep in the recliner and to hear Daughter 2 on the phone.
Daughter 2: So anyway, my dad is asleep on the recliner and my mom just walked in the door after she went to the library with my sister. (Moving her mouth slightly away from the phone) Hi Momma! (Moving back to the phone) So anyway, I'm just sitting her watching Wizards of Waverly Place and I just let my dog in but I had to chase him back out. I also tried on my Halloween costume and it fits. So anyway, now that Momma's home, I think I'll probably make some nachos.
Me: Who are you talking to?
Daughter 2: (moving her mouth slightly away from the phone) I don't know. I dialed the wrong number.
