The crazies go to Hellmart late at night

Last night about 10:00, just as I was almost ready for bed, I remembered that I hadn't finished my grocery shopping. I had been to the big city earlier and had gotten most of my groceries at Whole Foods where, even if I buy crap, I feel so much better and sanctimonious about buying crap.  And quite frankly, it's not often I get to feel sanctimonious.

So at about 10:00, I remembered that I hadn't gotten eggs, bread or milk because I wasn't feeling sanctimonious enough to pay Whole Foods prices on these staples.  So, I grabbed my keys and my purse, made myself presentable, and headed to Hellmart.  I parked close and headed in the store.  I grabbed a cart, put my purse and reusable bags in the cart - another way I feel sanctimonious - and then it happened.

My eyesight instantly got fuzzy.  I blinked.  All clarity was gone from my vision.  I could still see, I just didn't know what I was seeing.  There were no black shadows creeping into my periferal vision and there were no floaters dancing across the horizon.

My hands were frozen mid-air as if I were dizzy and unstable, neither of which described my state. I blinked again.  My vision didn't improve and my breathing became what can only be described as rapid.  It was at this point that I decided I might be having a stroke or an anurism or some kind of freakish health issue.

I decided to call The Dad.  He could leave The Daughters in bed and come get me. He'd know how to take care of me.  I felt my back pocket. No phone; it was in the minivanvan.  I turned to walk back out of Hellmart and remembered my purse.  I turned back to grab my purse and grabbed the grocery bags.  I turned to go to the minivan and remembered my purse again.  I turned back to grab my purse and decided that with all this flipping and floppong I maybe shouldn't even be walking.  I squinted my eyes and looked for a greeter.  But honestly, I couldn't tell a greeter from a display of patriotic napkins and plates.

In desperation, I threw my hands up to my forehead and tried to slow my breathing.  I slowly began massaging my temples and then, without much thought, I moved to my eyes and began rubbing my eyes.  It was at that exact point in time - with my purse hooked on one arm and my resuable shopping bags hooked on another - that I realized I had removed my contacts earlier in the evening, and I was wearing my glasses. As was my Hellmart routine, I had placed my eye glasses - as I do my sunglasses during the daily visits to Hellmart - on my head.

I raised my hand grabbed my glasses from my hair and placed them firmly on my nose.  My breathing eased up, and I may have even laughed aloud at myself.  I sighed in relief to know that my poor vision was caused my lack of thought on my own part.  (This "lack of thought" happens a lot.)  I put my purse back in the cart and then placed my shopping bags in the cart as well.

Then I put my glasses up on top of my head.  Again.

The crazies go to Hellmart late at night.  I can personally attest to that.