Or at least Lowe's restroom signage. Signage is an actual word. It is a noun meaning the graphic display of words or images to convey a specific message to a specific audience. Based on this definition, I'm pretty sure Lowe's believes their specific audience are giants who like to DIY.
And? It's really hard to find the bathroom in a swift manner when you're head is looking straight up at the signage that is attached to the 42-foot ceiling of the mega home-improvement store. Let me explain...
This particular Lowes was not our usual Lowes. We'd never been in this Lowes before. If we had been in our usual Lowes, I'd have jogged through the kitchen counters and cabinets and then scooted through the outdoor flooring and be in the restroom in absolutely no time at all. But as I said, this was not our usual Lowes, and it was laid out completely differently than I was used to.
I told The Dad that I was going to the bathroom and glanced up at the restroom sign and started my gotta-pee walk. As I made my way down the aisle, I ran into a cart being pushed by a young couple and their young child who smiled and said, "If I stay in this cart and stop asking questions, I get Baskin Robbins. Do you like Baskin Robbins?" And because I do indeed love Baskin Robbins and because I can never walk away from a chatty kidlet, I stopped and told him of my love for ice cream and even told him that my favorite was chocolate with peanut butter. He said his favorite was mint with chocolate chips. We agreed that was a good flavor as well, and I moved on toward the bathroom.
I was at the end of the aisle and glanced at the sign again and bumped into a couple that had probably seen the century turn... twice. They were old. They were also short. Since I'm 5 foot, 8 inches tall, I cannot be called short. This sweet couple needed my help to reach a light plate cover. Then it wasn't nearly what they thought it would be so I put it back and grabbed another. That plate surely was nice, but it wasn't what they were looking for. Four plates later, we decided (together) that this would be a perfect fit for their kitchen. I wish them well, promise to stop by for coffee cake and orange juice (because coffee at any time a day would keep them up all night long) and then I began my pee-pee prance toward the bathroom.
I looked up toward the sign to see where I was to go and ran right into another woman doing whose eyes were ascending normal viewing range.
"Oh, sorry," I said, "I'm trying to find the bathroom."
"Me, too!" she said. "It's like they don't want us to go to the bathroom. These signs are crazy hard to follow."
"Agreed," I said as we potty-walked together toward the bathroom. I arrived first - my legs are longer - and opened the door while she just toddled on in and took the first stall. I sighed and took the stall next to her. With audible relief, I relieved myself.
I left the bathroom and ran into The Dad. "Hey!" I joked, "Watch where you're going!"
"I can't," he whimpered, "I'm looking at the signs." He won't admit it, but he almost peed his pants, too.
