It's so hot...

It's so hot that I don't even want to leave the house.  But I have to. I have to leave the house because my family demands that I feed them. So I race to the grocery store and take in the perishables because I don't want to be out any more than I have to be.  I'll get the rest in September.


It's so hot that I don't want to cook.  I only want to stand in front of the open refrigerator and let the cool air rush to me and let the sandwiches make themselves. They never do make themselves. I have to slave over a luke warm counter and spread the mayo and the mustard and plop the lunchmeat between our whole wheat bread. I'll actually "cook" in September.

It's so hot that I don't want to exert any physical energy at all. The only physical energy I want to expel is hauling my hot tail into the pool. I don't even want to move when I get in there. I only move to push myself and my floaty away from the diving board so I won't get jumped on. I don't want to get out until September.

It's so hot that when The Daughters asked to go to the library. I told them reading was overrated.  I told them there hadn't been any good books published since school let out and there probably wouldn't be any more published until September.  I told them it was too hot, and I didn't want to leave the house.

But because I love them and because I love books, I took them to the library. We got into the car and blasted the AC for a few minutes before we actually left.

As we pulled from the driveway, Daughter 1 said, "Wow.  The car smells really good."

Daughter 2 agreed, "Yeah, it smells like a porta-potty."

Daughter 1 argued, "A porta-potty? That's stupid."

Daughter 2 defended, "Not a used one.  A new one when it has the new little circle thing in the boy's bowl on the side."

Daughter 1 chided, "What's a circle thing?"

Daughter 2 explained, "That circle thing that they put in the boy's bowl on the side that the boy's pee on? It smells a little bit like cherries and a little bit like flowers."

That's what lazy will get me...

Daughter 1 conceded, "Yeah, I guess it does kind of smell like that.  Is that what it is, Momma?  Is it a circle thing that boys pee on that smells like cherries and flowers?"

Daughter 2 questioned, "Where do you buy those things, Momma? It smells good!"

The fact was this: I did not buy a circle thing that boys pee on. I had bought fabric softener and left it in the minivan. It makes a great car freshener.  And up until that conversation, I thought it made my clothes smell good.  Now, I think my clothing smells like a urinal cake.

It's so hot that I don't want to leave my house until I smell ike mountain fresh rain and not cherry-blossom urinal cakes.  Maybe in September.