Kelley asked that I give her two or three jobs that I had held in the past and then you have to decide which job I did not do. To help you out, I thought I'd give you some clues.
The first job listed for me is waitress at a BBQ joint in college where I would accidentally stick my fingers into customer's drinks. This is true. I served as hostess and waited tables at Dink's Pit BBQ here in the 'Ville when I was in college. Pretty much I sucked as a waitress. When I say I would accidentally stick my fingers in drink classes, that's the truth. It's also true that I would accidentally lick my fingers when I'd get sauce on them. I'd always wash them afterwards, though.
The second job is a Hobby Lobby employee. After I graduated from college and didn't have a job, I thought it'd be a good idea to branch out on my own. I was a substitute teacher by day and a Hobby Lobby cashier by night and weekend. (PS - they used to be open on Sundays, and I was almost fired once because I forgot to leave church early and was almost late to work. True Story.) What was cool about working at Hobby Lobby was that I could charge my purchases against my check. On more than one occasion, I had to pay cash to work there. The good news is that I had a fabulously decorated apartment.
The third job listed is a magazine subscription caller. I would call for various magazines and try to get people to resubscribe before their subscription ran out. One particularly chilly Saturday morning, I woke up with a horrible cold. I popped a couple of cold relief pills and somehow, someway, probably by the grace of God, I ended up at work. You see? I was only supposed to take ONE cold relief pill. It didn't stop me from working, though. I secured my headset, clicked on my computer and the first name popped up. Her subscription to Seventeen Magazine was about to expire, and the prom issue was about to be released. It would be a darned shame if it weren't renewed today at a special low renewal price. I heard the phone ring and then a woman answered. This is the actual (kinda) conversation:
Woman: Hello?
Me: Hello, may I please speak with Amy?
Woman: {sob} Who is this?
Me: This is Heather calling on behalf of Seventeen Magazine. Amy's subscription is about to expire and we don't want her to miss the prom issue.
Woman: {heaving sobs|} Why can't you people just leave us alone?
Me: Well, the prom issue is coming up...
Man: {obviously angry tone, probably with a vein popping out on his forehead} Who the hell is this?
Me: {audible sigh - I had already give the woman this exact information} This is Heather calling on behalf of Seventeen Magazine, and Amy's subscription is about to expire.
Man: {rudely interrupting my sales schpeel} Go to hell! You just go to hell! You think you're being funny and you're not G**dammed funny at all! You think you're being clever? Do you? Do you think you're being clever? Well, you just go to hell!
Me: I understand your hesitance, sir, but I am able to offer you a two-year renewal for the price of one year and there will be no break in serv...
Man: {rudely interrupting me yet again} F*** you and go to hell!
{click}
Since I had to report any abusive behavior, I flagged the account and printed it. I think I walked over to the printer and I think I took the paper to my supervisor. I handed him the paper and said, "This number just cussed me out. It wasn't the actual customer, probably her parents."
The supervisor took my print-out, looked it up and down and then said, "Holy S#!+!"
I, with my dried up sinuses and my glassy eyes, said, "Kinda like that."
"NO!" he yelled, "You just called Amy Fisher of Long Island!" Turns out she'd just been sentenced. So, I guess the parents' reactions can be excused. This once.
And finally, the last choice for my Name That Job post at Kelley's Break Room is Shepherd. (Hint: I've never been a shepherd.)
Now, go say hi to Kelley and get registered for that Amazon card. (And, if you win, might I suggested a fun little ebook called, TMI MOM BITES THE BIG APPLE?)
