Today in the driver's seat is Jennifer McMurrain. Jennifer and I met a few years ago at our local writer's group. Since then, I've been known to text Jennifer things *ahem* that were meant for Brian. The texts weren't quite considered sexting, but they might have been considered foreplay-ish. Good new is that she still talks to me and agreed to take the wheel today.
Contrary to popular belief, especially since I'm driving the minivan today, I am the clumsiest person in the world.
Now, I know you've read Minivan Momma's many cases of clumsiness on this blog, so you probably don't believe I could be clumsier than her... but I am.
Seldom does a week go by that I don't ram my knee into the corner of my bed... a bed we've had for almost 2 years. A bed that has sat in the same place for those 2 years (it weights over 600 lbs put together, that sucka is not moving anywhere). I also run into coffee tables, stub my toes on chairs and bump into walls that have been there since, well forever.
At least those things happen in the privacy of my own home, but my clumsiness is not just an "in house" problem. Tripping over cracks in the side walk - check. Running over my own toes with shopping carts - check. Whacking my face with any branch in a five foot radius - check. Daily I am forced to catch myself before face planting into the ground. That is when I catch myself.
Last summer at the lake, my sister and I were taking turns watching Baby Girl in the camper, so the other could go play and fish on the water. With our camping spot being nowhere near the dock, we had two choices: get off at the safe dock, then huff it about a half mile uphill to the camper or get off on the rock wall, then take the steep hill up about 100 ft off the water. Not only did I chose the latter, I choose to do the latter in flip flops, all while The Hubs, my father and my brother-in-law watched.
Recipe. For. Disaster.
First step, hop off the boat onto the large rocks without letting the boat ram into said rocks. I did a little hop while pushing the boat off with my foot. I fell forward softly, but managed to catch my balance. Then I worked my way up the huge boulders in my flip flop, occasionally squealing as spiders ran over the rocks, afraid they were going to come after me a la the movie, Arachnophobia. With each spider, I moved faster, forgetting about the whole balance factor. Getting to the last rock, I knew I was going down. I also knew I had an audience, there were my family members in the boat and then the campers sitting in the shade watching the show. Since they wanted a show and I was going down anyway, I decided to give them one.
I fell onto my knees, then did a somersault before jumping up and taking a bow. When doing said somersault, I did not take into consideration the patch of goathead stickers that had now lodged themselves into my knees and back.
The nice camper lady sitting in the shade, stopped laughing long enough to pick said stickers out of my back and then I trekked up the rest of the hill to get my sister.
So yes, I am the clumsiest person in the world. Tune into my blog www.jennifermcmurrain.com and you're bound to find more evidence to that fact.
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Jennifer McMurrain blogs weekly at www.jennifermcmurrain.com where she chronicles her life as a full time writer, first time mommy. She has one novel out, Quail Crossings, which can be found on Amazon.com.
