One of our favorite places to go is the techno-super store. I like going there because it's in the big city and close to the Olive Garden. The Dad likes going there because it's so huge, he can easily lose me and The Daughters and play video games or watch the biggest screen TVs in the world!
Recently, after being held hostage by the snow, we decided to venture to the techno-super store just for fun. We walked in and The Dad immediately picked up the noise blocking ear phones, slipped them on his head, shut his eyes and waited for us to get bored standing there. As soon as our attention wains, he'll wander to the iPads. Yes, yes, he does have it down to a science.
After a few moments of watching The Dad quietly nod his head to the beat of music that we couldn't even imagine - because the ear phones are just that good - The Daughters and I escaped over to the big screens which were showing baby monkeys. At about that time, my eight-glasses of water hit rock bottom, and I really had to go. (To the bathroom - just in case you were wondering!)
I tried to snag The Daughters away from baby monkeys splashing in puddles; they could not be moved. So, I did the next best thing I could, I maneuvered them to the TVs that were closest to the bathroom, made them swear to stay together and not move. Then I made a mad dash to the bathroom, saying, "Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait." with each step that I took. Holding my breath and crossing one leg in front of the other as I walked, I made it across the TVs and through the BlueRay players and into the bathroom, dry. Barely. I danced as I undid my jeans and sighed heavily as I was finally - and freely - able to relieve my bladder.
When I was finished and the last drop had dropped and the last toilet paper had been dabbed, I washed my hands and left the bathroom, walking right into some sort of commotion in the middle of the BlueRays. I stepped around the associates and the gathering crowd and made my way over to the baby monkeys (who were now swinging on tires). I glanced at the last TV, where I left The Daughters, and discovered ... no one. I scanned the wall of big screens and found ... no one. Nice. Those little stinks had disappeared. Probably went to the 3D display. I sprinted down that way. Empty.
It was as if the store had gone through the rapture (except for the rukkus in BlueRays) and I had weirdly missed Glory's train because I had to pee. I began to call out for The Daughters. I started to go toward the front of the store, but opted to go back and see if maybe they had found a quiet nook in which to watch baby monkeys on big screens. I continued to holler out their names. I'm not one to panic - in fact, I probably under-react in most cases - BUT, kids alone in a mega store in a big city? This was the stuff that kept America's Most Wanted on the air!
When I was about 10 steps away from the BlueRay bedlam, I yelled, "Daughter 1! Daughter 2!" and from the middle of the crowd, I hear tiny little lovable voices, "Momma?" and, like the Red Sea before Moses, the crowd parted and there, in the middle of associates, customers and a security guard were -- you guessed it -- The Daughters.
Overwhelmed with relief I heaved out the words, "What's going on?" thinking one of them had surely broken a bone or had witnessed a crime and were giving a statement or, worst case scenario, had broken a $24,390 television.
"You left us, Momma" Daughter 1 politely explained as the rest of the group glared at me and mobily updated their facebook statuses to read: OMG!! Lady just tried to abandon her kids at techno-super store. She is what's wrong with our country!
"I didn't leave you!" I squealed hoping the security guard wasn't packin' heat and didn't have momma issues of his own. "I went to the bathroom. Remember? I told you!"
Then The Daughters giggled and said, "Oh yeah! We forgot!" The crowd sighed a collective sigh of relief and tapped new statuses into their phones: OMG!! Who leaves her kids to go pee?? How big's her bladder anyway?
I securely grabbed Daughter 1 with my left hand and Daughter 2 with my right hand, dragging them about 2 steps behind me as I stiff-legged myself right over to the game systems, where I found The Dad, still wearing the headphones, with the plug-in end plugged in to nothing at all. I called his name several times before kicking his ankles. He took the earphones off of one ear.
"We're outta here," I hissed, feeling completely humiliated that I couldn't go to the bathroom for three minutes without it becoming a "News at 6" event!
The Dad reached into his pocket and pulled out they keys. "Here. Take the keys. I gotta go pee."
On our way out, I thought about stopping at the little kiosk and reporting a man in the bathroom wearing the same shirt as The Dad who had stuffed earphones into his underwear. But, that would have kept us from getting to Olive Garden in a timely manner, and I really needed about 8 ounces of sangria to fill my empty bladder!
