About a month ago, as the whole family was driving to church, The Dad reached over to me and playfully slugged me in the arm and shouted, "SLUG BUG NO SLUG BACKS!" Oh what fun! I remember playing Slug Bug with my sister while growing up, and in college and on last summer's road trip to our family reunion! This would be such a fun thing for The Daughters to play with each other in the van!
BUT...
This singular act has opened the world of sibling fighting WIDE open!
The week after The Dad introduced "SLUG BUG NO SLUG BACKS" to The Daughters (yes, it does indeed need to be all caps because one must shout the phrase when playing slug bug), we fought over what actually constituted a "slug bug". Since Daughter 1 clearly saw the initial slug bug, and it was red, she determined that any red car could be a slug bug. Since Daughter 2 wasn't paying attention at all, she determined that any car she wanted to call a slug bug would be a slug bug. Since The Dad works out of town, and we basically ride to church and back together as a family, he completely missed the arguments that followed. AND, since I had been the slugee and hadn't previously introduced The Daughters to "SLUG BUG NO SLUG BACKS" then I, clearly, had no idea what I was talking about.
After four days of debating whether or not a PT Cruiser was actually a Slug Bug and one day of a very bruising round of "SLUG PT CRUISER NO SLUG BACKS", we all - as a family - piled into the van and cruised town pointing out actual Slug Bugs and impostor Slug Bugs - PT Cruisers and Toyota Priuses. We take competition very seriously.
Finally, we're on track.
Or not.
The next week, it was the great word debate. Did The Dad say, "SLUG BUGS NO SLUG BACKS" or did he say, "SLUG BUG NO TAG BACKS" or did he say, "SLUG BUG NO TOUCH BACKS" or did he say, "SLUG BUG NO HIT BACKS?" The simple solution would have been to just call The Dad right then, right there on the side of the road and settle the issue without further ado. But, then what would we argue about? And, yes, I'm including myself in that statement. Eventually, we concluded that each person could say what they wanted until we could confirm with the Supreme Slug Bug Emperor, The Dad, exactly what was required of us to say when we did, indeed, see an actual Slug Bug.
He said it was "SLUG BUG NO TAG BACKS." Even though, I know for darn certain that he said "SLUG BUG NO SLUG BACKS" but whatever... I'm not bitter. And I kind of enjoy having the whole bed to myself.
OK, so we had settled the issue of the exact definition and look of a slug bug; and we were all in agreement on the wording of the taunt - sorta - we could finally play a nice game of Slug Bug with the family.
But, what exactly is a slug? Ya know, when you hit someone, is it a slap? Is it a punch? Is it just a touch or a tag? Because if Daughter 1 slaps Daughter 2 like that one more time, Daughter 2 will be slapping a fat lip on Daughter 1 and will not be one bit sorry about it! BUT, if Daughter 2 punches Daughter 1 anymore, Daughter 1 will - make no mistake about it - pull all of Daughter 2's hair out.
I offered that they rub each others arm or give the other person a kiss when encountering a slug bug. They refused. I suggested that we just not play this game -- it was too burdensome.
"But, Momma!" They pleaded, "We love it."
Love. That's a funny word choice!
The Daughters suggested that instead of dogging on each other, they could physically attack me - as I'm driving - whenever they spot a Slug Bug. So, at any random moment in the van, I am either slapped on my arm, or punched on my back (though the hole in the headrest). The things we do for our kids, huh?
Finally, after three weeks of honing in our SLUG BUG NO 'TAG' BACKS game, everything was settled. Game on!! Finally, we could travel 15 minutes to school and 15 minutes back without any major issues.
In a perfect world.
Last Sunday, we got into the van to travel to church, where we would spend one hour in peace and sanctuary as a family.
Then The Dad said, "Anyone want to play 'Trucks and Vans'?"
And Daughter 1 said, "Do Semi-Trucks Count?"
And Daughter 2 said, "I call white ones."
And Daughter 1 said, "White ones what, dummy?"
And Daughter 2 said, "White everything."
And The Dad said, "Honey, Why are you jumping from the van? I'm still driving!"
