Maybe no-good is going a bit too far. He was being very nice to Daughter 2, which was of no use to me at all.
Funny thing about Daughter 2 is that as crazy as she is in real life, she's a thinker, too. And right after Go-Kart Dude pronounced her tall enough to drive on her own, he said, "Just be careful. It can be dangerous out there."
Umm... What? We're driving around machines that are powered by lawn-mower engines. They top out at fifteen miles per hour. There's more harm in smelling the fumes. Maybe that's what he was talking about. I don't know. I kind of tuned him out and focused on a squirrel on the side of the track.
"He said it was dangerous, Momma. I'm so nervous," Daughter 2 complained.
"Suck it up, Buttercup," I hissed at her. I was going to get a good blog post out of this outing. Then I inhaled deeply and slowly.
"Momma," she whined, "Maybe I should ride with you."
"Look," Go-Kart Dude said very sympathetically, "You'll be just fine. You can just barely touch the gas, and you can go slow. No one will mind. It'll just be a nice little journey around the track."
"DUUUUUUUuuuuude!" I shouted, "Don't you know who I am? I am Minivan Momma! I write about the funny crap my kids do! I am 42 years old! I can speed around town if I want to go fast. I brought my kids here for material! I need blog material! Do NOT tell her to go slow!"
OK. I didn't shout that aloud. I sure as heck said it in my head. I had to do something or else I would have no blog material for my $20 worth of go-kart rides.
When it was our turn to "board" the go-karts, I got in right behind Daughter 2 and when they moved the big busted-up tire letting us know it was time to go, I stayed right with Daughter 2. That possessed turtle moved faster than Daughter 2 was driving.
"C'mon, honey," I
With her hands firmly on 10 and 2 and her eyes not moving from the slick asphalt track in front of her, she slightly shook her head no.
Well, forget this. That stupid Go-Kart Dude and his stupid "it's dangerous" comments. He cost me one crazy chick. I sped ahead and caught up with Daughter 1, my rule follower, who was extending her left arm straight out indicating that she, indeed, going to follow the path of the track and turn left. I passed her and yelled something about her being a grandma (old habits die hard) and zoomed on around the track and back to Daughter 2 who was just approaching the first turn and was almost at a stand-still.
"What's wrong?" I hollered as I put the go-kart in park.
"I am just being safe, Momma. Safe."
I sped on around. Daughter 1 yelled after me that it wasn't fair or nice for her momma to laugh at her in public. Oh please. The score will be even within two weeks of her starting middle school. I'm still getting my giggles while I'm cool enough to still get 'em.
I approached Daughter 2 for the third time, "Pick up the pace!" I hollered.
"Get thee behind me," she muttered and made the sign of the cross.
I approached Daughter 2 on my fourth lap. "Momma, this track looks slick," she whined.
"Because it is, ya big baby!" I shouted back as I lapped her yet again, fishtailing as I passed her.
 |
| That's the smug look of happiness. |
"Haha, Momma! I won! I'm in first place!"
Wha--?? She was not! She was dead last. I was first. I know because I kept track of everyone. Then, I looked at her not-wind chapped face and her not-wind blown hair and said, "Yes, you did, baby girl!"
Sometimes a momma's gotta make do with what she's been given.
