Apparently, I was cranky. I don't recall why I send Daughter 2 to her room, but I did. And I not only used my inside voice, but I used my Jack Nicholson as Colonel Jessup voice:
I eat breakfast three-hundred yards from four thousand Cubans who are trained to kill me. So don't think for one second that you can come down here, flash a badge and make me nervous.
The voice I wanted to use was the "There is no Dana only Zuul" voice from Ghostbusters.
But I didn't. I calmly and collectedly told my on-edge child to go to her room.
"You're the WORST mother!" she hollered as she stomped to her room. (FYI--She did use her "There Is No Dana Only Zuul" voice.)
When she had calmed down and I had calmed down, I called her to me.
"Do you have anything to say?"
"Yes," she said, "I'm sorrry I said you were the third worst mom."
"Third worst? I thought I was the worst?" I said, feeling a little bit slighted that while she sat in her room, I had moved down in the rankings. We'd been shut in the house for what seemed like months, we'd had no routine and no structure. I hadn't bathed in four days. I couldn't remember the last time a brush had interacted with my hair. I had let my kids veg out and watch endless episodes of The Big Bang Theory on TV ad nauseum. I'm pretty sure that I okay'd them eating a bag of Doritos and Ritz crackers with a slice of cheese for lunch. Why wasn't I the worst mom?
"You were the worst. But, someone is worser and someone is worser than that," she explained as if she were offering a dissertation on what constitutes bad mommas.
Sadly, though, the third worst mom does not get a tiara or a sash. But, it'll look good on my permanent record.
I run my unit how I run my unit. You want to investigate me, roll the
dice and take your chances. I eat breakfast 300 yards from 4000 Cubans
who are trained to kill me, so don’t think for one second that you can
come down here, flash a badge, and make me nervous. - See more at:
http://www.filmschoolrejects.com/opinions/the-best-jack-nicholson-lines-of-all-time.php#sthash.gxEPL42Y.dpuf
I run my unit how I run my unit. You want to investigate me, roll the
dice and take your chances. I eat breakfast 300 yards from 4000 Cubans
who are trained to kill me, so don’t think for one second that you can
come down here, flash a badge, and make me nervous. - See more at:
http://www.filmschoolrejects.com/opinions/the-best-jack-nicholson-lines-of-all-time.php#sthash.gxEPL42Y.dpuf
I run my unit how I run my unit. You want to investigate me, roll the
dice and take your chances. I eat breakfast 300 yards from 4000 Cubans
who are trained to kill me, so don’t think for one second that you can
come down here, flash a badge, and make me nervous. - See more at:
http://www.filmschoolrejects.com/opinions/the-best-jack-nicholson-lines-of-all-time.php#sthash.gxEPL42Y.dpuf
