Let me back up. Last Monday, I spent about 5 hours in the emergency room. The first two hours of that I spent begging for a catheter. If I could have gotten my hands on a drinking straw I would have cath'ed my own damn self. I've watched Discovery Channel. It can be done. Once the nurse got me lined up, the catheter was able to move my kidney stone so that I could tinkle, but not actually, full-on pee.
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| This is not my actual kidney stone; however, I believe it is a reasonable facsimile. |
The pre-op nurses were very kind; I confessed to them that I had never had any type of surgery before. I had epidurals with my daughters, if that counted. It didn't. I told the anesthesiologist that I had some kind of drug that caused me to prophesy prior to the epidural. She said that was funny but not helpful. Soon, I was naked save for one very complicated hospital gown and and I was being wheeled into nooks and hallways I didn't know were possible in our seemingly simple hospital.
I was wheeled into a room and re-introduced to a high school classmate. It's always fun to meet up with classmates who will be assisting with the exploration of my nether-regions.
One of the nurses placed a mask on my face. I told her my eyes were crossing. She told me to shut my eyes. I shut my eyes. Then I hear a nurse saying, "We're going to sit you up now."
I stirred a little bit and said I wanted to sleep more. She placed a warm blanket on me, essentially giving me permission to continue the best sleep I've ever had.
See, as babies, The Daughters slept perfectly. When they turned two years old, they became night walkers; they had night terrors; they had fight with each other in their sleep - and they sleep in separate rooms! They crawl into bed with us and steal covers from me. So, while it'd only been an hour, I had the best sleep of my life.
Until the hernia patient came into recovery. "I hurt," she whined. "It's painful," she cried. "I need some pain killers!" Oh no. As my daddy would have said, she was nothing but a belly-acher.
And her belly-achin' interrupted the best sleep I'd ever had in my life.
I shushed her. Just like that I said, "Shhh..." Honestly, though, I wasn't sure if I dreamed that or if I actually did it. So I remedied that situation and pulled my hand out from underneath the freshly-baked blanket and tapped my oxygen monitor, which was placed on my index finger, on the bed rail and shushed her again. The recovery room got very, very quiet so I explained, "Momma's tired. I need my sleep."
There were a few snickers. Probably nurses. Maybe it was me - I'm not sure. The quiet continued for just a little bit and then, just as the hernia patient began her sniveling again, they woke me up in earnest and wheeled me back to my room.
I'd like to apologize to the hernia patient. I'm not doubting your pain. I shouldn't have shushed you. But, please understand. It was good sleep. A momma's gotta get her good sleep where she can get it.
