Raising my kids right

The only problem with our beautiful backyard pool is the pesky pests.  One single wasp can clear The Daughters from the pool and into the house in under eight seconds.  I've timed them.  A horsefly will result in deafening shrieks as The Daughters bob up and down in the shallow end until the horsefly clears the roof and is just a spot on the horizon.  Dragonflies used to evoke manic splashing, but we've just discovered that they come in peace and mean us no harm.


While I agree that wasps and horseflies are not fun, I've completely bought into the urban legend that they'll leave us alone if we leave them alone, so I don't partake in the crazy shenanigans with The Daughters.

But spiders?  Well... those suckers can move and I believe with all my being that they are out to get me.  So, when Daughter 2 screamed that a spider was walking on the water toward me, I hauled ass right out of the pool, dragging my noodle behind me.  I looked back and I'll be darned!  That spider was, indeed, following me!

RIP, Sinister-born-of-Steven-King's-Imagination
Spider

Daughter 1, who was still in the pool, splashed and splashed and splashed until the evil arachnid had been splashed onto the sidewalk at the feet of Daughter 2 and me.  Shrieking commenced as the spider began jumping and running after me and my beautiful baby girl.

I had to step up and be the momma.  I used my noodle and beat the spider.  After a few good whacks, I tentatively raised the noodle and he rushed me again. We screamed, scrambled backwards and and slapped some more.  Finally - FINALLY - we were silent as the crushed and mangled spider corpse lay lifeless on the sidewalk.  I had done it.  I had protected my Daughter against the sinister spider.

"Wait right here, Momma," Daughter 2 whispered as she rushed into the house.  She returned in no time with my phone.  "Here, Momma."

"What's this for?" I asked, genuinely perplexed.

"To take a picture," she explained, "I figured you would want to take a picture and blog about it."

My baby.  She knows me well.