Five For Friday: Must-Haves on a Tiring Friday

I love me a good Friday; who doesn't, right? But these past few weeks have been brutal--crazy schedules, lots of activities, the new television season started. It's all been good, let's be sure about that, but it's been taxing all the same. And it's all coming to a head on this Friday. We're all exhausted. We're all cranky. And we're all ready for tomorrow: Sleeping in!

So, on this tiring Friday, here are my must haves:

1. A ponytail. There's no way I could've stood under the dryer for ten minutes. No way. My bangs are dry and in place and still-wet hair is pulled back with an elastic band. I am not ashamed.

2. Damp jeans. Yeah, so, we've basically not done a full-on laundry session since, oh, I don't know, the fourth of July, maybe. So, my jeans are damp because I barely remembered to actually wash my jeans for today. What I did not remember until this morning was to put them in the dryer.

3. Toothpaste on my shirt. At least I brushed my teeth. I will gladly wear my toothpaste-laden shirt tody as a badge that I am fighting against tartar build-up and have minty-fresh breath to boot.

4. A referree. Someone's gotta settle the issues between these two fussing and fuming sisters and it's not looking like Brian or I can actually do that.

Source

5. Donuts. Don't talk to me about trans fats and carb overload, y'all. It's Friday and it's the best I can do, which is, ironically, the best I can do just about any other day of the week.

Friday Five: This Ain't Her Momma's Sleepover

Daughter 1 is having her first sleepover of the school year tonight. We put some tight conditions on it--basically we made her clean the house. (Her room, however, is still not clean, but we really like her sweet friend, so we said yes.) Last night as I kissed her goodnight, I told her all about my sleepovers when I was younger. She assured me that she probably wouldn't do any of these things.

1. We rode our bikes all over the neighborhood. I grew up in an isolated neighborhood. It was two-miles from town, had its own (volunteer) fire department, its own school, three churches and a convenience store where we could buy a single stick of Sixlets for a penny. I explained how cool we felt being footloose (sorta) and fancy free to spend our quarter anyway we wanted. Daughter 1 asked if I could make an ice cream sundae bar for them after dinner.

Source

2. We turned the TV off when we went to sleep. We didn't go to sleep, let's be clear about that. We turned the TV off so that we could record our favorite songs from the radio onto our way cool, see-through Memorex cassettes. We'd be very quiet ... maybe even hold our breath ... as one song ended and another song began. If it was the song we wanted, usually something by Michael Jackson or the Go-Gos, we'd press our finger onto the play and record buttons at the same time really quick. Voila! We had just "downloaded" a song like a boss. Daughter 1 informed me she'd already made her sleepover playlist.


3. We prank-called people. "Do you have Prince Albert in a can? You'd better let him out so he can breath." Click.

"Is your refrigerator running? You'd better go catch it." Click.

"Hello? Why'd you call me? No you called me. Yes, I'm sure you called me." Click.

Daughter 1 wondered why the people didn't use caller ID to call us back, and she also wanted to know what I meant when I said click while telling my story.

4. We read all the good period part of Are You There God, It's Me Margaret. I told her how we loved that view into a very taboo stubject: periods. Really, no one talked about the birds and the bees but Judy Blume. Daughter 1 said they talked about periods at lunch but she wanted to know if Margaret was on Twitter. (Disclaimer: We really read page 96 of Forever over and over and over again--it's the part where Katherine and Michael do it.)

5. We woke up early and rode our bikes again. When morning would roll around, we'd eat a bowl of cereal while we watched an episode of Scooby Doo and then we'd hit the streets again on our bikes. We'd ride up to the school and play, maybe even crawl up on the roof because we could. We'd ride down to the park and ride through the creek until we were completely muddy and soaking wet. We'd go home when the cereal wore off and our tummies were grumbly again. Daughter 1 said they'd nuke some bacon and frozen waffles before checking out the new uploads to YouTube.

Oh, the stories she'll have to tell her kids.

When I searched flicker for slumber party pictures, this popped up. It reminded me why I never watched scary movies at slumber parties. It also reminded me that I'm not the oddest duck in this virtual pond. It also made me say, "DoubleU Tee Eff" right out loud in the middle of my living room.
Source

Five For Friday: School Year Sanity Savers

I love my summer--I really do. I love sleeping in (this love is not reserved for the summer, though); I love staying up late; I love the relaxed pace; I love calling all the shots; I love summer.

But.

I love my routine as well ... maybe even more. And when August rolls around and school starts back up, I'm ready to get my family back into a routine once again. Here are five things I do that really help our school year start off right and same my sanity by bringing routine back to reign in our house once again.

1. H Day and B Day: Our big wall calendar that hangs by the garage door for all to see as we leave the house every single day has, for all intents and purposes, become obsolete. Brian and I have synched our phones with our work calendars and our google calendars, but we leave this calendar up to keep the peace in the house. Every single day is marked with either an H for Daughter 1 or a B for Daughter 2. All it took was a pen (actually a pink pen and a blue pen) and a calendar. Easy.

When The Daughters ask those tough questions--Who sits in the front seat today? Who picks out the Redbox tonight? Who has to do the extra chore? Who gets to lick the cake batter bowl?--we go to the calendar.

Oh! It's an H Day or a B Day. That person gets the honor, for better or worse, and there are no arguments. The calendar always rules.

2. The Chore Chart: The chore chart never changes. If it's your day (see the schedule just above here), you will sweep the kitchen floor tonight. There is no discussion.

It's framed, so there's no, "Whoops! The chore chart got wet; we can't read it." It's hanging in the kitchen, so there's no, "Where'd the chore chart go?" It's unchanging so there's no, "What? That was today? I didn't know."

Sure, it took Momma a while to get ahead of the game with this, but with a print out from the computer and a frame from the dollar store, it's game on now.

3. School/Crap Box: A million and one grey hairs: That's how long it took me to figure this one out. I don't do morning and because (until this school year), Brian was on a much earlier schedule, the morning routine/attitude fell to me. Yes, I know. It was disasterous. We'd barely get ready on time then we'd have to find all the crapola that we needed for school, after school, sports, etc...

We now have two boxes (one for each daughter) that sit on our fireplace mantle. The girls dump all of their crap in there every day when they come home from school. They get homework out and then put it back in the box. Their empty (for the most part) lunch boxes get chunked into the box as well. Then, in the mornings when we're running out the door three minutes after we should be running out the door, they just grab their crap from the box and go. There's no gathering anything because it's all right there.

4. Cutsie Clipboards: Back in the day when I neglected my home and family in order to scrapbook (now I'm negligent in order to write), I modge podged (What? It's a verb.) a couple of cute clipboards for The Daughters. They are marked with their names and they hang just underneath the above-mentioned calendar. When The Daughters bring home notices from school that require mine or Brian's attention--such as Pickles, Popcorn and Candy day, or a need for money--such as Picture Day or yearbook orders, or a signature--such as field trip forms or any of the other 4,261 forms we have to sign the first week of school, they clip those notices on their clipboards. Brian and I deal order, write checks, sign or whatever needs to be done and put the paperwork in their above mentioned school boxes. If it's not on the clipboard, it doesn't get Momma's and Daddy's attention. It's a great system. I wish everyone who needed a piece of me had a clipboard.

5. Today's Chef Plate: The Daughters (and Brian, too!) each have a day a week to be the chef. They plan the meal and cook it all themselves and clean up. This helps them understand that cooking is hard work but fun, and Momma doesn't try to cook crap they won't eat, despite the latest household polls. I'm with them in the kitchen when they do this. It's not like I'm sitting in the recliner, eating Taco-flavored Doritos watching reruns of Friends. Usually, I'm checking Facebook. I kid! I kid! Mostly.

To make it a super big fancy deal, I bought a one dollar plate and dug out some scrapbooking stickers and made a "Today's Chef" plate. With dry erase marker, we announce, on the plate, the day's chef. It's totally for show, but it sure does make it fun for them to be a chef.

And speaking of dry erase markers ... did you know you can write on mirrors and class with those markers and it will just wipe off? This is a fun way to give messages, reminders and draw funky faces for your kids in the mornings. But, since I'm not a morning person, I usually do this after midnight the night before...

Five For Friday: I Will Not Labor

To celebrate the working people in my life--yes, this includes me, believe it or not--I will not labor on Labor Day.

1. I will not do laundry. I will not let dirty underwear, mismatched socks and mustard-stained T-shirts rule my day. I will send my children to school on Tuesday with dirty clothes if I have to. The spin cycle and dryer sheets will not be a part of my Labor Day.

2. I will not mop the floors. Okay, fine. This is pretty much my mantra on any given day of the year; but, in honor of the working people in my life, I will not be mopping the floors. And if someone happens to drop something--anything--on the floor, I shall let in the dogs.

3. I will not disinfect the shower. Yes, you can write your name on the soap scum on the shower wall. Yes, you can knit a sweater from the hair in the drain. Yes, the mold in the corner would give Alexander Fleming goosebumps. But, the shower will just get dirty when we use it on Tuesday morning; therefore, I will not labor in the shower on Labor Day.

4. I will not clean out the refrigerator. I know, based on the smell alone, that I am cultivating a brand new form of biological warfare in my produce bin. We can eat Pringles and condensed soup all day long for all I care. The new bread of radibrocoeleryrot will not be the catalyst that I use to work on Labor Day, though. Let's be clear on that.

Source

5.  I will not empty the trash bin that is known as the minivan. Extra shoes, extra water bottles, extra lunch boxes? I've got 'em. Fast food wrappers, 200 straws, and Little Debbie wrappers? Piles of them. Maps of "Indian Territory," church bulletins from the mid-80s, and a people magazine featuring Millie Vanilli? Check that third row. They can all stay where they lie because I will not empty out my minivan today.

Here's hoping your holiday weekend is fabulous, restful and labor-free.

Five for Friday: Additions to my Gyno's Office

Having recently completed my annual visit to my favorite gynecologist (he's probably the only gynecologist that I actually know), I've come up with a few additions I think would make the whole gyno experience more enjoyable. Enjoyable? That's not the right word. Tolerable. Yeah, more tolerable.

1. Socks. The nurse always apologetically hands me the two gowns: The open-sided gown goes on top and the plain sheet drapes casually over my netheryeahah. And I take them and nod my head in a "This is a necessary-evil" kind of way, disrobe and sit casually on the magical chair waiting my the doctor to enter. I know that my slow and mournful head-nod would become less mournful if she'd also had me a pair of tube socks. There's something about glancing up and seeing naked feet in the stirrups to remind up really how exposed we are. Plus, tube socks would eliminate the need for #2 and #3 below--it's efficient if nothing else. Give us socks, and I know we'd feel so much better about it. Am I right or am I right, ladies?

2. Pedicurist. If you won't give us socks--because we could bring our own, right?--then at least have a little Asian nail artist in the waiting room to slough off our scaly heels and paint up our piggies. We really can't do much to change the look of our hoohas, but we can control our feet. Who has the time, though? Between softball practice and back-to-school shopping and cat wrangling, our feet are neglected. So, have someone there to make our piggies pretty, and we'll feel better about spreadin' 'em.

3. Electric Razor. I shave as carefully as I can before the big day, but it's not easy to get a close shave with two daughters, two cats and a random dog in the bathroom. Having an electric razor in the changing area for touch ups would really do a lot for a girl who's about to loose every ounce our self-esteem that she has left when the magic chair starts sliding her backward.

4. A Chair With A View. I know my gyno maintains that I'm in the chair, basically hanging upside down clinging to the stirrups with my toes, for less than five minutes, but in my head it's about three hours. And when I look up to distract myself from the little off-track trek that my gyno is taking, all I see is a white ceiling. There's nothing distracting about a white ceiling. Instead, there should be a poster of a kitten hanging from a limb with a caption that reads "You think you have it bad." Or maybe we could be viewing a ceiling mounted flat-screen with Hangover 3 playing so we know that we don't have it that bad afterall. Or, if the doctor wants to go for the ultimate distraction, put a video of Ryan Gosling up there actually reading his "Hey Girl..." memes. That should do the trick.

5. Headphones. I adore my doctor, but pretty much once we both are in position and he says, "Relax," I try tune him out. He, however, continues to have a conversation. "How are the kids? Brian? What'd you do this summer? I saw you were on Dr. Oz. Do you really think he's a real doctor?" And I, because my mother raised me right, feel obligated to answer every question. But, because I'm in that position, the answers don't always line up. "Fine. Great. Holy smokes, are you using a power tool? I think I'm falling on my head. Are you touching my spleen?" If I had headphones, I could distract myself (and him) from any awkward small talk while my insides are being explored by what feels like a Tonka truck.

Five For Friday: Favorite School Supplies

This is the time of year that Momma becomes a little lotta bit cra-cra. Summer is winding down and that makes me sad.

But The Daughters are pushing every last button I have and that makes me twitchy.

We've also had a great summer and that makes me happy.

And the school supplies have hit the store and that makes me giddy.

So even though The Daughters going back to school means that I go back to school with them, I let those few rows of school supply wonder erase any melancholy I feel about the end of summer.

Here are my five favorite school supplies.

1. Composition Books. I love a fresh notebook with its empty pages, so full of the promise of new and powerful words. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Chances are that the pages will be filled with grocery lists and recipes I'll never make, but the possibility that I'll fill those pages with words that wax poetic about this wonder known as life still exists. Even if only in my very tired mind.

2. Crayons. So far, The Daughters have never asked for a 64 box of Crayolas (with the built-in sharpener) and if they ever ask for it, I'm not sure what I'll do. Because if anyone in this household is getting a box of 64 Crayolas (with the built-in sharpener), it will be me. And I'll use all 64 colors to draw pictures on my fresh new composition book. (Now, we could get a 96-count box of Crayolas. This gives me goosebumps.)

3. Cap Erasers. These things are magic, y'all. Don't believe me? Try this: Buy a package of them. Leave them on your kitchen counter when you get in from the store. Race to the bathroom (because you always have to go to the bathroom when you're bringing in sacks from Hellmart) come back to the kitchen and voila! They've disappeared.

4. School Bags. Oh. My Heavens. I could very easily be a street person and carry all of my possessions in all of my bags. I love back packs and messenger bags and over-the-shoulder slings. I love plaid bags and chevron bags (why the hate for chevron, people?) and polka dotted bags and monochromatic bags. I just love bags. Of course, I never actually use one, I just buy them, pile them in my closet and occasionally run my hand over their beauty.

Source

5. Colored Pens. I'm convinced that if peace treaties were signed with green or purple or pink or turquoise ink, there'd be no more war. "Imagine there's no black ink..." those are Lennon's lost lyrics. I'm almost positive.

Are you ready for school to start? Then you need some candy. Head HERE and get registered for cool prizes, including candy!

Five For Friday: Five Things I've Learned So Far This Summer

The summer is essentially half over and it's been very educational to say the least. Here are five things I've learned so far this summer:

Five For Friday: Shows That Make Me Want To Shoot My TV

During the school year, our TV watching is limited because our time is limited. During the summer, we still limit our TV time. The Daughters each get one show during the day and then we'll watch a show together as a family in the evening. Almost every single show The Daughters have picked to watch have gotten on my very last nerve and makes me eternally grateful we don't have time to watch them more during the school year.

Five For Friday: My Summer Bucket List

Today is the first day of summer. I have, however, been enjoying summer for almost a month now. Since it's officially summer, though, I believe it's time I got to work on my summer bucket list. These are five things I will do this summer.

Five For Friday: Songs To Prancercise To

In today's Five For Friday, I wanna share with you the five songs from 1989 that I will totally download on my iPod for my Prancercise session.

I don't think the cardigan is optional.
Source

1. Funky Cold Medina by my pal, Tone-Loc--If I'm going to Prancercise, it's going to be with a song that has Funky in the title. Plus, any song that talks about an Oscar Mayer Weiner must be paired with this tight-crotched prancing sensation.

2. Solder of Love by everyone's heart-throb, Donny Osmond--Okay, fine, soldiers don't prance, they fight. But maybe there'd be less war and more peace if we all ditched marching for prancing. Just sayin'.

3. Baby Don't Forget My Number by the duo who did no actual singing, Milli Vanilli--Once people see you doing the Prancercise at your local park or wherever you choose to prance, they'll wish that you, like Milli Vanilli, had hired someone else to do that junk for you.

4. If I Could Turn Back Time by the ageless Cher--About five minutes into your Prancercise routine, you'll feel your body getting more youthful and you'll feel ten years younger. The pointing and laughing from your audience will actually take you right back to your elementary playground that one fateful day when you peed your pants on the jungle gym. What? Was that only me?

5. She Drives Me Crazy by that group, oh you know, um... Fine Small, Young ... something or another, oh yeah! Fine Young Cannibals--Let's face it: When you are at the park or the track and you are Prancercising your way to wigged-out hair and big necklaces, you will be driving the onlookers crazy with your coolness. Trust me. I know this to be true.

Five For Friday: Celebrity Family Reunion

This weekend, I'll be celebrating my family with our annual MSG--McKelvey Summer Get-together. While I love my family, I can't help but wish we had a few celebrities in our midst.

1. Ashton Kutcher--Dude and his Canon cameras could be the official photographer of the reunion. I'll bet he never takes a fuzzy shot.

2. The Prancercize Lady--Just because I'm on vacation doesn't mean I should let myself go. With her in the cabin next door, I could prance to breakfast and prance to the pool and prance to the shuffleboard game and prance to bar. Normally, the prancing comes after that stop. 

3. Naomi Campbell--Sure she's got a temper, but that temper might come in handy when my kids drop their wet swim suits on the floor for the ninetieth time! One yell from Naomi and they'd be remembering to pick that mildew-maker up from the floor.

4. Chris Isaak--He'd be great to have sitting around the campfire for a sing along. When I sing in falsetto, people laugh at me and then they tell me to shut up. Let's see how quick they are to tell good ol' Chris to shut it.

5. Amanda Bynes--Let's face it: We all talk about our family once we part ways. If Amanda were at our reunion, we'd all know for a fact that no one would be talking about us, but they'd be talking about  craziness that is Amanda.