A Rose In Any Other Language

I read my daughters' texts nightly. They are not allowed to have their phones in their rooms at night and they are not allowed to change their passwords so that Brian and I can have access to them. This is not an invasion of privacy. This is a safety precaution. They are still learning to navigate life, and we need to be aware of what's going on. So far, they are respectful of this and only bothered a tiny bit.

Then, Hadley pulled a quick one on us.

She began texting in Espanol. Wha--?? I only speak Dora, ya know, and she's way beyond Dora. Weirder still was the friend she was texting with--let's just call her The Sweetest Girl Ever In The Whole Wide World. I couldn't imagine The Sweetest Girl Ever In The Whole Wide World saying anything that needed to be coded. Heck. I couldn't imagine her saying much at all!

My curiosity (and my nerves) were peaked. I copied the texts and pasted them into Google translate. Y'all know what? They were texting homework. They had a conversational test in Espanol I and were practicing. Okay. So, not only do I have a good kiddo, but she's got good friends as well. Wanna know what the conversation was?

My dad teaches geography, helps with softball and golf and likes world politics and spending time our family (mi familia, Dora taught me that).

My sister is very athletic. She plays softball, likes to laugh and is social. She is eleven years old.

My mom is forty-four years old and likes to rest. 

Um ... That's what she has to say about me? Brian gets world politics; Briley gets "laugh" and "social" and I get rest?!?

I've been blogging since 2005. I've written four full-size books in two years. I'm in the middle of finishing my fifth book. Sure, I'm running behind schedule, but who doesn't? I was a regular for over a year on a local news show. I write a regular newspaper column, I write a regular magazine column, I teach full-time, and I speak to various groups all over our region. I co-produce the OKC Listen TO Your Mother Show. I attend softball tournaments and drive to golf events. And the word she comes up with is REST?

But, you know what? She's got a point.

Friday night, I took a book to bed at 8:30. It was glorious.

When she grows up, Hadley wants to study political sciences and behavioral sciences. She wants to work with the FBI in their behavioral analysis group.

She thinks she's so smart ... and she is.

After reading her texts in Espanol, I totally believe she's chosen the right field.

As for me? I'm going to bed early tonight, hoping I can turn off my alarm in the morning because of snow...

21st Century Kid

Raising a kid in these days of a high-tech, hand-held lifestyles is really difficult. As a momma I have to compete with every single piece of information (and misinformation) in the whole wide world, also known as the WWW.

When I was a kid, my new information, also called The Evening News, came in small doses at 5:00. Usually, at this time, my daddy was watching the news with a cold Miller Light in his hand while my own momma finished up our supper. My sister and I usually played outside until we were called in for dinner. At that time, I'd get the news of the world, as presented and censored by my parents.

Today, with the flick of their index fingers on the mouse or the tap of their thumbs, my daughters can find out anything their little hearts or minds desire--or don't desire. As a parent in this era, Brian and I must be vigilant at keeping the lines of communication open so that our modern daughters know that no matter what, they can and should come to us about anything. 

And in that respect, it's never been easier to communicate with our kids. With those same overused index fingers and thumbs they can reach us at any given time with a phone call or a text. Fortunately, at our home, the smart phone has been instrumental in our keeping the communication lines open. 

I'd like to think that my girls could talk to their daddy about anything that they would talk to me about as well. In fact, up until Friday night, I'd have laid good money down with Vegas odds makers that they were just as comfortable speaking to me as they were their daddy about any given subject--including girly subjects.  

Then this happened:

On Saturday we went shopping. Both Brian and Daughter 1 agreed that it should be a momma-daughter date. 

Creating A Monster

My own momma needed a new phone. Her phone was a little over two years old and was a flip phone. A flip phone, y'all. She could call on it only--can you imagine? A phone that you could only use to place a call? She could have texted, but having to hit the 3-button twice to get an E was a little more technologically advanced than my own momma could handle. That and she used to sign up to get her horoscope online and that would charge her phone a gazillion dollars a month, so my sister and I had the texting package turned completely off. My own momma thought that was just one step away from the old folks' home ... but it was for her own good. Don't call human services. Yet.

 My Own Momma's toilet water? Not so recycled...
Source

Well, Friday night, my own momma dropped her circa 2002 flip phone down the commode. Down the crapper. She was literally up ... or down ... sh!t creek. She knew what to do because she reads Facebook religiously, and she fished that phone out and stuck it in her rice container. (Note: Do not eat the rice at my own momma's house.) The rice didn't work. So, she came to us.

She knew better than to go to my sister with this problem. My sister would have put her in the home or would have gotten her a firefly phone with dialing out privileges to only a very few people--my sister not included. So, she came to us.

Brian is very skilled in dealing with a certain phone company whose initials are AT&T; I know what my own momma would and wouldn't like in a phone (basically, she wanted to text, to call, to check the weather and listen to any police scanner in the world); My Own Momma just wanted a phone that hadn't been in the toilet. So, we set out to our local store.

Long story short--too late, I know--and three phone stores later, my own momma had a new phone, a texting plan and a data plan, all for just a few dollars more than she was paying for her one-trick pony, um, phone. She also had a pretty purple cover, a screen guard, an extra memory card, and a stylus. What more could an almost-75-year-old woman want in a phone?

The first order of business was to text my sister and let her know that she was moving up in the world. After about seven minutes, give or take a half hour, we figured out how to text, and we discovered that it had a talk-to-text option. That, my friends, is that route that led to my own momma's very first text to my sister:

My own momma: So, just press this microphone button?

Me: Yes.

My own momma: And it will go straight to your sister and no one else?

Me: After we press the send button, yes.

My own momma: Okay. Here we go [presses microphone button]

And this, my friends, is the complete text of my own momma's very first text message:

Guess what I'm doing. Guess what I've got. Oh wow! It's typing as I'm speaking. Why did it say as I'm  spackling? Heather. It's not saying what I am saying. Oh wait. Now it is. Did I send it? It says Guess what I'm doing. Guess what I've got. Oh wow! It's typing as I'm spackling. It says guess what I'm doing. Guess what I've got. Now it's just going crazy. Why did it say I'm spackling. It's still wrong. Wait. Now it's just on an endless loop typing the same thing over and over. Oh wait. Now it typed what I said. Oh my goodness. Did I send it yet? It typed did I send it yet. It typed did I send it yet again. I don't think it's working right. No, I don't think it's working right. It's not sending it. Why are you laughing? I can't understand you, Heather. What do I do to send it? Press send? Do I need to press pause? What does pause do? Does it pause my text message? So, just press send. Where's send? But will it send this whole thing? I just want a text that says guess what I got. I got a new phone. Call me. Oh wait. It did type that. It's right there. This phone is a smart phone. How wonderful. Well, tell me where the send button is and then show me how to use the scanner. [presses pause button then send]

My sister's not speaking to me any more.