Sacrifcing Momma

I'm not sure when I first ate a Frog in the Hole, but I loved it. The yummy breakfast (or lunch or dinner) dish reminds me of college, but I cannot recall any instance when I actually ate it during college. Of course, there are many instances that I cannot recall from college (cough, cough, my junior year, cough, cough), so that doesn't really mean much.

Ohmygoodness, y'all! This is my favorite!

Frog in the Hole also reminds me of snow days--again, I'm not sure why. But, when we have a snow day, I get a hankering Frog in the Hole.

If you aren't sure what Frog in the Hole is let me 'splain. Butter a slice of bread with obscene amounts of butter (I only use real butter, y'all) on both sides. Slap that sucker in a warm skillet or griddle or whatever you want. Using a biscuit cutter or a round glass, cut a hole in the middle of the bread. Set that circle on the side of the bread (it may be the best part). Crack an egg into the hole, salt and pepper and cook. I love Frog in the Hole, I tell ya. Love it!

Last week when we had a snow day, I craved Frog in the Hole and asked The Daughters if they wanted Frog in the Hole. I already knew that The Dad wouldn't. He has no taste. They both nodded their heads from their vegetative state watching "My Little Pony." So, I made three Frog in the Holes. Frogs in the Hole? Frogs in the Holes? I made three of my yummy, buttery, egg-y dish.

And that's when it happened.

"I won't eat this."

"Is it real frog?"

"Why is the egg in my toast?

"What am I supposed to do with the little circle?"

"I don't like crusts."

"I thought I asked for cinnamon toast and deviled eggs."  Daughter 2 never remembers what she orders.

I stood in the kitchen with three Frogs in the Holes ... or whatever their plural is ... and wondered what to do next.

I only wondered a short time: I ate them all three. I'll be starting cholesterol meds next month, I'm sure, but it was worth the sacrifice.

My Favorite Things: Holiday Cooking

One of the many things I love about blogging is the connections I've made with so many different people from all walks of life--people that if we were to meet at Hellmart, we might not even look twice at each other, but because we have the commonality of blogging, we're soul sisters (or misters). So, on Saturday night when I baked my famous triple chip cookies and they all came out looking like this:

I took to Facebook and tagged some of my foodie blogger friends like Debbie, Julie and Rachel. I figured that they could give me a quick fix. And they did. But so did a lot of other people. In fact, I got sixty-nine comments on my picture of my sad excuse for cookies. In fact, one of my favorite high school sophomores (ahem, Kaycee) said, "Were they supposed to look like fake vomit?" No. No they were not, but I'll keep that in mind for April Fool's Day or maybe next Halloween.

The cookies were still not fixed. I'm blaming old baking soda. PSA: Baking soda expires. Did you know that? I know that (now). They should put that on the box.

The good news is that I made a batch of Spicy Nuts, which I love saying, and didn't need anyone's assistance because they came out fabulously. In fact, they are so good that they are all gone.

 

Of course, the cookies are all gone, too. Even though they looked like fake vomit, they tasted like awesomeness.

I love holiday baking!

I Messed Up

The first meal Brian ever cooked for me was sausage crescents at three in the morning. The second meal he ever cooked for me was sausage casserole. On most days, I'd place good money on his loving sausage more than he loves me. But, that's not the point here. 

Quickly, I learned to make sausage crescents. Really, there's nothing to them: brown sausage, add cream cheese, spoon in crescent rolls and bake. They are delish.

Sausage casserole, however, is just a bit more complicated. It's also Brian's very favorite meal. When it's his night to cook, you know he's going to cook sausage casserole. On several occasions, he's offered to teach me how to cook it. On several occasions, I politely decline. If I learn how to cook it, I'll have no excuse to not make it for him. Don't get me wrong. I like sausage casserole. I just don't like to eat it for every single meal.

This is where I messed up. Friday night, Daughter 2 requested sausage casserole for dinner. Brian promised to make it for her. He started the water boiling and the sausage browning, then he and Daughter 2 went out to practice their pitching. 

As I stood in the kitchen wondering how it got to be so messy when we hadn't even been home most of the week, I stirred the sausage a little and added rice to the water and before I was fully aware of what was happening, I had put together a pan full of sausage casserole. 

This meant that Brian would know my secret. He'd know I could cook it. There would be no end to his sausage casserole requests. I hung my head, disappointed in myself, and slunk to the living room, mentally preparing myself for a lifetime of sausage casserole six nights a week. We eat out in Sundays.

Brian and Daughter 2 came into the house and excitedly noted that I had made sausage casserole without his assistance. He was so proud of me, and I could see the sausage-loving wheels turning in his pork-biased brain. 

Then, I was spared, sorta once realized that I hadn't set the timer and the casserole had been in the oven for W A Y longer than it should have been. I rejoiced that I had almost burned the beloved sausage casserole. Brian ate it anyway because "almost" is the key word in that sentence.

This may or may not have been what my casserole looked like.
I will cop to nothing.
source

Brian also just shrugged his shoulders and said that he'd be responsible for time-keeping when I made sausage casserole for dinner, starting the next night and ending when pigs fly and no one can bring home the bacon ... um, sausage.

I messed up. It's a curse of being so efficient.

Dang It, Facebook!

So, I have a friend. Actually I have a lot of them, so there. I heard what y'all were thinking. Oh ... you have A friend? Just one? WOW! How'd you score that one friend? 

And? Maybe I spend way too much time with adolescents. Let me start over.

I was perusing Facebook the other day in a successful attempt to avoid obligations like laundry and grocery shopping when I came upon a recipe that one of my many, many, many friends had shared on her wall. This particular recipe was so easy. Basically, it called for two items: tater tots and a waffle iron.

When I finally got around to buying groceries, I picked up a bag of tater tots because what could be easier than putting tater tots on my waffle iron? Nothing. Nothing could be easier. Except opening a bag a meatballs and pouring Golden Mushroom soup over them--another genius Facebook find.

That evening, I poured my soup over the meatballs and turned on my waffle iron.

When the soup was bubbling, I tossed the tots onto the waffle iron and attempted to close the lid so I could flip it over and let it do its thing. At least, I assumed that's what I was supposed to do because here's the thing. I didn't read the recipe.

You aren't surprised at all, are you?

So, I squeezed the handles together in an attempt to get the lid to close. Sixty full seconds later, I got the lid closed and the iron flipped.

Then, while I waited, I looked up exercises to increase arm strength. Holy Moly, but Momma's outta shape.

Then I waited. And I waited. And I turned off the meatball soup concoction because it was starting to stick.

And I waited some more and some more, and I tasted the meatballs because I was getting hungry.

And about two hours later, give or take an hour and forty-five minutes, my ready light turned green. I flipped the iron and beheld my ... lame ol' tater tots.

They looked nothing like Facebook. And they were way more work (remember all the squeezing and waiting I had to do?).

They ate the very same way, though.

Red Gold Tomatoes--YUMMY GIVEAWAY!

I was thrilled when Red Gold sent me a six-pack of goodies. Really. A cute little six pack of goodies: There were five cans of their various tomato products, one jar of their spicy ketchup (YUM!) and two aprons. (Two aprons? Yep. We'll get to that in a sec ...)

Immediately my family started in on the "We won't eat that crap!" bit that they reserve for every single thing I cook that's not macaroni and cheese or waffles. This is why if I were a food blogger, my blog would be called Crap My Family Won't Eat.

A Food Blogger I Am Not -- Edited with Winner!

There are times when I feel like want to be a food blogger. I make a mean mac and cheese, and I totally  rock a brisket (just ask Brian). I actually have a great name for my food blog, were I to start one. It'd be called "Crap My Kids Won't Eat."

When I cook mac and cheese or when I put together a taco salad, I can rest assured that the whole family will be happy with my meal choice. Otherwise, it's a total crap shoot whether or not they'll eat it.

We are in my favorite cooking season: Grilling Season. I love cooking outdoors--I like when Brian cooks out, but I love it better when I get to cook out the whole meal. And my favorite thing is to cook kabobs.

My kids, however, won't eat them. They don't like when the veggies touch their meat. I tried kabobbing (What? It's a word!) all the same veggies on one stick, and then they didn't like sharing, and they wanted different marinades, and they didn't like so much of one veggie on one stick. See? "Crap My Kids Won't Eat" practically writes itself, right?

I was thrilled to find these little babies in a box of grilling goodness from Westlake Ace Hardware.

I made several kabobs with to everyone's specification.

"No Worcestershire sauce for me."

"Use that good kind of Italian dressing on mine."

"I don't want squash touching my broccoli"

The truth? I marinaded all the veggies in the same thing: olive oil, Worcestershire sauce, and a dash of the Apple Barbecue Rub from Westlake. No one ever knew the difference.

Everyone was happy with the meal--they even tried the cabbage, which was seasoned with the All Purpose BBQ rub.

The next day, The Daughters wanted me to make quesadillas on the grill with this fun contraption.

So, I grilled some chicken & onions, crumbled up some bacon and mixed all of it with some ranch and cheddar cheese. I spooned it between two jalapeno tortillas and grilled the quesadilla until the cheese was melted. HOLY. COW. It was good. It was SO good, and we had so much fun making it, that I forgot to take pictures of it.   Yet another reason I won't be a food blogger: I had a masterful success and no proof.

"Hi, my name is Heather and I am not the Pioneer Woman." Hi Heather!

Because I am convinced that Westlake Ace Hardware has all of our grilling desires, we are giving one of my readers a $25 gift card to Westlake Ace Hardware AND a signed copy of TMI Mom Oversharing My Life and a signed copy of Chicken Soup For The Soul: Parenthood!

All you have to do is comment before 9 PM (Oklahoma time) on Sunday, June 23 and tell me about your favorite grilled food.

You can also comment and tell me what crap you fix that your kids/hubby/spouse/significant other won't eat.

You can also comment and tell me how I'm better than Pioneer Women even though I didn't take pictures of my kick a$$ quesadillas.

That's three ways you can enter!  Comment today!!

Winner will be chosen by Random.org. Winner selected is final.

Congrats to HANNAH! Entry #8!  Email me your addy and I'll get your prize package out to you.

Chef In The Making

The good news is that we didn't have to call the fire department. The bad news is that my daughter  doesn't want to cook dinner anymore. It started a couple of nights ago.

"Momma," Daughter 1 said, "Can I cook dinner tonight?"

She did not have to ask me twice. I nodded my approval, set my butt in the recliner and began watching Duck Dynasty online.

Funny Not Slutty - Elegant Eight-Layer Garden Cake

A delightful dessert that will beguile your guests with subtle decorum.  Not only pleasing to the eye, but titillating to the taste buds as well.  Plus, it’ll make you look so much better than the Julia Childs-wannabe who brings a can of bean dip and bag of Fritos to the first pool-side party of the season.

2 lbs fresh strawberries plus 1 ½ cup sugar

2 lbs fresh blackberries plus 1 ½ cup sugar (do not use blackberry phones for this recipe)

Ingredients to make your favorite chocolate cake

Keep Reading on Funny Not Slutty!