Weekend Update

Where have I been this week?? Well ...

I met with my fellow OKC Mothers, Misti and Julie and we plotted and planned our Listen To Your Mother show. I waxed poetic about it HERE.

I made some not-at-all-snooty sangria over at FunnyNotSlutty.com. Check that out HERE.

Over at the hen house that is Chick-Wit.com, I make a bunch of predictions for the new year. I believe I gave the Long Island Medium a run for her money. Read my forecast HERE.

My column hit the presses at my local newspaper. In this column, I chat it up about the college football bowl games. Find out if I ever see the end HERE.

And finally, I held hands with my girls Stephanie and Mari and we jumped feet first into this new adventure called Oklahoma Women Bloggers. Y'all? It's pretty cool.

Weekly Run Down

Be sure to check me out as I boot scoot all over the interwebs.

And speaking of boots - you've registered to win a $150 gift certificate to Country Outfitter, right? No? Go do it now!!

I prepare for the zombie take over as predicted by the Mayans at Funny Not Slutty.

Psychic? Me, too. At Chick Wit, with my girls Dani & Mari, we dish on the Long Island Medium.

One million moms don't control me. I control my own self over at Chick Wit. Y'all know it's hard for me to control my own self, right?

Finally, you can find me at Amazon and Barnes and Noble pimping my book, yo. You've read it, right? Have you left a review? Read, review, rejoice: these are my commands.

Where in the WWW?

Catch me on the WWWs:

I kick neighborhood lemonade stand butt on Funny Not Slutty this week.  Let them eat pie, I say!

This week on Chick Wit, Mari, Dani and I kick John Mayer to the curb - do you agree that's where his stinky self belongs?

Mari asks, in a straightforward, totally tubular kind of way, that the current generation find their own way, or at least leave her beloved era alone.

Dani Stone takes suggestions on a "story" now that The Closer is closing up.  Be sure to give your suggestions!

Funny Not Slutty: Show Me the Money!

My sweet little baby decided she wanted to have a lemonade stand. We live close to the corner, so I was convinced that with her sweet face and my knock-off brand of powdered lemonade, she’d totally rake in the dough. She sat out in the heat for hours (and not just because I told her to not come home until she recouped my $1.75 investment). No one stopped. Not one single grandmotherly-type figure. I know the economy is bad, but c’mon! She’s cute enough to warrant a 50 cent cup of watered-down lemonade.

I walked to the corner where her little table with the crayon sign was set up and saw the issue: The sisters in the block before ours had their own stand. AND? They had their baby brother strapped in his stroller for curb appeal. Oh hellz no. ...

Keep reading at FUNNY NOT SLUTTY!

Funny Not Slutty - God Bless America Hamburgers

We excitedly opened our invitation to a friend’s annual July 4th cookout. At the bottom, in fine print, was her new jacked-up plan: We won’t be grilling out; bring finger food to share. What? It’s the fourth of July. No grilled food? When the hell…did the French take over?

I called her and told her that here behind the Iron Curtain, we had burgers for the Fourth of July. It was the American symbol of liberty and overindulgence. Plus, I’m pretty sure Rush Limbaugh wrote it into the Patriot Act. She giggled and said they were going for a more sophisticated menu. I slammed the phone down on her ear...

To keep reading, check it out at Funny Not Slutty!

Funny Not Slutty - Elegant Eight-Layer Garden Cake

A delightful dessert that will beguile your guests with subtle decorum.  Not only pleasing to the eye, but titillating to the taste buds as well.  Plus, it’ll make you look so much better than the Julia Childs-wannabe who brings a can of bean dip and bag of Fritos to the first pool-side party of the season.

2 lbs fresh strawberries plus 1 ½ cup sugar

2 lbs fresh blackberries plus 1 ½ cup sugar (do not use blackberry phones for this recipe)

Ingredients to make your favorite chocolate cake

Keep Reading on Funny Not Slutty!

Funny Not Slutty - Keeping it real

On Saturday mornings, when we raise our heads at the crack of dawn (or about 3 hours afterwards), we like to have a nice family breakfast (when we’re lucky enough to have all the ingredients together – otherwise it’s each man for himself!). We start with gathering the eggs. Expiration dates? Did you know there are expiration dates on eggs? Really? You did? I had no clue. But I say, screw it! They’re pasteurized, right? Besides, if I get sick, the stay in the hospital will be a nice break … I’m just keeping it real, here! ...




To keep reading, check me out on Funny Not Slutty!

Funny Not Slutty: Eat This

I would really like to be one of those chicks who gardens all spring and summer long and shares her bounty with neighbors and starving children. But, I’m not. I grow dandelion trees. Trees. And you can’t eat dandelion trees. Or at least I’m not going to eat that. Despite my lack of a green thumb, earth-hugging, farmer’s-market rope sandal lifestyle, I do make a really great salsa.

I get all the freshly-grown stuff I need at Hellmart, which gets it from some third-world farming nation paying the farmers three-cents per case of peppers. That’s savings that’s passed on to me...

To read more, check out Funny Not Slutty HERE.

FNS: Ten Totally Rad Weekend Plans

10. Lift some Pop Rocks from the local 7-11 store when you buy your can of NEW Coke then drink the NEW Coke with a mouth full of Pop Rocks to see if you really do explode.

9. Take your boom box and Cassingle of “Footloose” out to the country and dance just like Ren McCormick until the Cassingle breaks.

To keep reading, click HERE.




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Get your tickets now and come see me in Listen To Your Mother!  First one who finds me after the show gets an AWESOME gift bag!

Funny Not Slutty - 80s week!!

I was in, like, total desperate need of a miracle, for sure. I needed my breasts to be bitchin’ and now! Then, heaven sent a miracle to me in the form on John Hughes and his gnarly story of every almost-16 year old in the world. In 16 Candles, Samantha is fraught for her boobal region to expand so she eats carrots in the hopes of her budding bosom developing into big ol’ honkin’ hooters. Well, if Molly Ringwald did it, it must be legit.

I ate carrots like Ms. Pacman ate ghosts. As I’d devour a carrot in the lunchroom, the Preppies would all cheer and congratulate me. “Awesome to the Max!” they’d holler.

Keep reading HERE.

Eat This! Give-me-chocolate-or-give-me-death-brownies

Every month there comes a time when a woman just wants to be comforted and only chocolate will do. I do not care how totally awesome your new boyfriend is; he will not do. I do not care if your husband held your hair back through 56 weeks of morning sickness; he’s not what you will want. LOOK! Unless it’s that time when YOU need your chocolate, you just won’t get it, so go ahead and shut up and read the recipe! File it away until your Aunt Flow starts knocking on your door then make it. You’re welcome. Geez…

Keep reading and get the recipe at Funny Not Slutty!