A Whole Bunch Of Nothing

My diamond on my engagement ring keeps snagging on things, and I'm afraid of losing it. I lost my original diamond when I was five months pregnant with Daughter 1. It killed me because I just knew that people would think I was some knocked-up, unwed teenage mother--never mind that I was thirty-years-old. So, I'm currently wearing my anniversary band, which I love, but it makes me feel like I'm being unfaithful to Brian. Like I'm advertising I'm not married, but I do celebrate anniversaries or something like that. Who knows why my brain operates the way it does.

I know! I know! My brain operates the way it does because I don't get enough sleep. I just don't. For reasons I'd rather not disclose and unfortunately have nothing to do with covert activities or state secrets, I'm waking up every night/morning at three and staying up for about a half hour. Then it takes me another half hour to go back to sleep. Then I wake up two hours later. I wish I could be a glamorous spy like Jammie Lee Curtis in True Lies. I already know how to do a strip tease. C'mon, CIA, gimme a chance!

I had lunch last week with two of my favorite bloggers, Stephanie of Hugs, Kisses and Snot and Sabine of Sabine of Suburbia. If y'all aren't reading them, you should be. They were both in the cast of Listen To Your Mother | Oklahoma City. You'll love their stories--and those stories go live tomorrow on YouTube! I've had a post-lunch, thank you message started to them but every time I get on Facebook to finish it and send it, someone else bongs a message to me and I get distracted. Y'all owe Stephanie and Sabine an apology for my tardiness.

This week, I dropped Daughter 1 off at another Summer STEM Academy. She's already having so much fun. It's just weird leaving your child in a college dorm. Just. Weird. There's no possible way that the baby who crawled out of her baby bed at eleven months is old enough to be left on a college campus. But, that's exactly where she is ... learning about food. Having a great time.  Instagramming pictures of her "second ever dorm room." Whatever, kid. Your room will always be in my house, you got it??!?

And finally, my cousins are coming today! Our moms are sisters. We grew up doing a lot of stuff together--trips to St. Louis, heckling our moms when they had a car wreck, you know stuff like that. I have a big chunk of my book Crazy On Board devoted to our antics. In fact, my own momma is currently reading the book and laughing as we speak. (It makes me feel weird when people read my book while I'm around.) I can only imagine that my mom is reading about the time my cousin Whitney and I busted a mob ring in St. Louis. We went to KFC afterwards. It was a big party. In honor of Courtney and Whitney being here, we're eating fried chicken. You only wish your cousins were as cool as mine are.

I'm hoping they let me dress them alike this week.

#OWFI14

Last weekend I was privileged to get to speak at the #OWFI14 conference, which was put together and run by my fabulous friend, The Resident Heretic, aka Denise; aka Christine; aka CD; aka Past President.

I had three presentations. Those are on slide share, and anyone can access them:

The Best Blog in the Blogosphere

Being Everywhere

Balance In Your Writing Life

If you are a writer or would like to be a writer or think you'd like to be a writer, I suggest you go to an OWFI conference. You'll meet cool people who are in the same stage in their writing career, and you'll find a mentor(s) who would love nothing more than to help you pursue your writing dreams.

Also, you can enter the writing contest and whether you win or not, you could get a really helpful (not to mention cool) critique back from the judge! I brought home awards in the categories of Feature Article (second place) and Picture Book (first place!). My picture book is actually sitting in the hands of my wonderful agent, Clelia Gore of Martin Literary. But, the most exciting new of it all was this: TMI Mom Getting Lucky was named 2014 Nonfiction book of the year!

My fabulous editor, Mari Farthing, spooned me!

I'd like to say that I took the day on Sunday to bask in the glory of the weekend. But, alas, there's no rest of the wicked. And on Sunday, my Boos, Julie, Misti and I put on a wicked groovy show. More about that later...

A Week From Show Date

This past week a sweet friend of mine, Jasmin, asked if anyone could take her Stanley on a trip. I told her that I was going to Oklahoma City for our final read-through of the Listen To Your Mother show before the big day (May 4 at 2:00--Do you have your tickets yet?)

Bright and early on Saturday morning, Stanley and I set out for Oklahoma City. He might have been tired because he was up practically all night long on Friday, but he was bright eyed smiling when we left Bartlesville.

 

When we arrived in OKC, we met the cast of LTYM for some Mexican food. Stanley and I split a platter of cheese enchiladas and cheese burritos. I even ordered in Spanish. I ordered a numero dos, por favor. Then Stanley and I giggled like middle school boys because I said "number 2."

Since we were in OKC and it is the capitol of Oklahoma, I took Stanley by the capitol building. He liked the dome, but was kinda worried that we spent so much on the dome instead of giving that money to public education. Stanley's my kind of people. While we were there an environmental group was having a rally. He loves the earth and wanted to stay and be a part, but I really had to get to the read-through.

Finally, we were at the Girl Scout office and ready for our show's read-through. The ladies had heard each other's stories before, but today, they were to read from the official show book as they stood in front of their cast members. Stanley was a little nervous because these women were all so beautiful and kind and had great stories to tell.

When the stories started, Stanley was enthralled. He laughed at all the right places and cried at all the right places. He sighed with contentment and even nodded his head. I think I heard him mutter a "Me, too" after several of the readers were finished. He loved the idea that a portion of the proceeds of the show would benefit ReMerge. He stood and applauded the entire cast when the read-through was done.

Originally, when I told Stanley what we were doing when we went to OKC, and I think he rolled his eyes at the idea of a 90-minute show of readers telling about motherhood. But, by the end of the read-through, he wiped his eyes and asked where he could get a ticket. I told him he didn't need a ticket because he was small enough to sit on a lap. I also reminded him that he'd be back at school for our May 4 show at Will Rogers Theater in OKC. But, if any of his dimensional friends wanted a ticket, they could buy them here.

With our day almost over, Stanley asked for a group picture. We obliged. Normally, our read-throughs are closed to anyone but cast members, but Stanley was perfectly quiet and respectful. We hope to see you next Sunday, and if you've been a good audience member, we'll take a picture with you too. 

Fleetwood Mac, Misti and Checking Out

Recently, my chick Misti and I had the privilege of speaking to a state-wide group of over one hundred moms. We were billed as--get this--the entertainment. We did not disappoint. Misti spoke very eloquently from her notes about Listen To Your Mother (you're coming, right?). I rambled in a nonsensical manner about peeing in the shower and painting with poop. But, ya know what? This shouldn't come as a surprise to anyone.

But, before we entertained the moms, Misti and I were treated to a lovely lunch. We were seated at a table with six of this organization's past state-presidents. We were seated at the fancy table, y'all.

Misti had a draining week; I was having a draining week month; it was good to take a break with Misti, eat our lunches and just be for a moment.

So, we be'ed. We chatted about our weeks, our loves, our show, our lives. Then, the conversation turned to Fleetwood Mac. They're going on tour this year, friends. (My birthday's in June--hint, hint.) Misti and I both posted the link to their tour on Facebook and updated our statuses to reveal that this news made us get good bumpy and pee our pants at the same time. So, as we sat at the table of dignitaries, we got caught up in imagining the awesomeness that will be the Fleetwood Mac concert.

It was at the point in our imaginings where Misti was simulating how she'd be ugly-crying through "Landslide," and I was pretending to holler out "Sing it again, Stevie!" that the past president on my right touched my arm and brought me back to reality.

"Do you two know each other?" she asked us.

Not true to either my form or Misti's, we answered honestly. "Yes."

It's good to check out every once in a while. It's good to pretend that you are at a Fleetwood Mac concert where Stevie Nicks is singing "Landslide" just to you while Lindsey Buckingham winks and then licks his lips while looking straight at you. (I don't care how old he is. He's one sexy man. Seriously, listen to this and tell me you don't lose your breath.)

It's good to check out with a great friend who not only lets you lose yourself in a moment, but follows right along with you so you don't get too lost.

But, the next time Misti and I lose ourselves in a moment, and we're so caught up in laughter and tears and playing pretend, and someone asks us if we know each other, we've got our answers ready ...

We missed Julie at our pretend Fleetwood Mac concert.

"Nope. Just met her over the dumpster out back."

"We're married to the same man."

"We did time together in the big house."

"Nope, but we shared a room at the Holiday Inn Express last night."

"We met on our home planet."

"We worked the pole together last night."

"We once toured with Fleetwood Mac."

My Favorite Things: Misti Pryor

Misti is in the middle--with the cleavage.

Misti Pryor is one of my favorite things. I first met Misti when we were both cast in the NWA Listen To Your Mother show in 2012. I began stalking her on Facebook, Twitter and her blog because that's what I do, and I instantly fell in love with her because she was so welcoming and accepting and authentic and just loved you from the get-go. Then I met her in real life and understood that  that was her--the real her. The next year, which was last year, she said I could be her sidekick for Listen To Your Mother 2013 in Oklahoma City. I hope you love her too because unless you are a downright mean person, she loves you too.

Favorite Thing.

I “officially” graduate with my Masters degree in 20^TH & 21^ST century literature on Friday.  I’m not participating in the ceremony, I’m not getting hooded or walking across the stage. I’m just anxiously awaiting the delivery of my diploma.

Graduate school isn’t for the weak, that’s for sure.

I had no idea just how much of it was a pure test of wills versus a test of knowledge until it was all finally over. It was a long, difficult and expensive road that took some twists and turns and in the end, delivered me not into a classroom of a ph.d program like I had planned, but into the world of non-profit leadership advocating for girls and working with volunteers.

As December is 1/3 over, maybe more by the time I finish this post, I look back and take stock and think about the year. If you put any trust in the Facebook Year In Review, you can see that this year was a big one, chocked full of new experience and friends and change.

Listen To Your Mother: OKC was a huge success. HUGE! We donated over $3000.00 in cash and diapers to Infant Crisis Services; we sold out the house and then had SRO for the event. Everyone involved worked well as a team and had a sense of connection to a bigger entity and that was really my goal for this thing.  These women, the cast, the production team, and everyone involved from the sponsors to the staff were beyond anything I ever expected. I’m excited to start work on the 2014 show.

I sold my house to Julie and moved to Norman with Mark. THAT was huge. There were lots of tangles and tangibles and time eating THINGS that came with that. I’m still not unpacked fully. We are still not so organized that I can have all of my clothes and shoes in one closet (Silly historic homes with tiny closets) but it feels good. The transition wasn’t without some bumps. I don’t have any friends here that have known me longer than a year. Not to say that I don’t have any friends here, but really, anyone that knows-me-knows me  well, they don’t live in Norman. And that is lonely many times. Having someone to go grab lunch with on the spur of the moment, or go sit at a bar and have Sunday Funday with and watch some football, that life seems to be on hold right now. That really has been the biggest adjustment to the move.

Quitting the hair business and moving out of academia and into the non-profit world was also huge. HUGE! The learning curve has been steep, but I feel like I have navigated it fairly well. I just keep saying, “if I can make it to Thanksgivng/Christmas/Through the Cookie Sale” and I have no doubt that I will make it. I’m already looking forward to next year, and how I will do things better than this year. So much better.  But I do miss my clients; I miss doing hair and formulating color and the community of my Salon W family. I miss them terribly. I miss walking into Kamps Meat Market next door and getting some delicious lentil salad for lunch, or grabbing an after work drink and commiserating on all of the crazy that we saw.

We bought our little teardrop trailer and took her out for a few adventures this year. Santa Fe, Colorado, Talihena Oklahoma, Granite (MeMe Lois’ backyard to be exact).  It’s the funnest thing ever and I cannot wait to see where we take her in 2014. Looking forward, that is one of the reasons that I write about these changes and events. I like to make note of them, to place them here so that I can look back and reflect. I don’t focus on the things that I miss, or the bumps in the ever changing road. They are part of the journey.  It’s the looking forward part that really butters my muffin.

Graduate school almost broke me into a thousand pieces. But in a few weeks, I’ll have that piece of paper hanging on my office wall and no one can take that away from me. Gearing down from the ever constant stress has been interesting, and getting to actually read a book or two for fun has been a newly rediscovered joy.

 I didn’t land anywhere near where I thought I was going when I started the program, and Lord how happy that makes me.

That is the biggest take away for me from this entire year.

Joseph Campbell said it, and I’ve read it over and over but it wasn’t until this year that I GOT IT.

“We must be willing to let go of the life we planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us.” 

This life that was waiting on me? It’s a pretty awesome one.

In fact, it is my favorite thing.

Look, Ma! We're On The YouTubes!

Kim Kardashian can keep her sex tape. (No, really, she can.) I got something else that's going to be a big internet sensation. Actually, I've got two something elses...

This past May, I co-produced the first ever Oklahoma City Listen To Your Mother show. It was an amazing experience. I was in the NW Arkansas show last year and just fell in love with the whole concept. This year, I co-produced with my girl Misti Pryor (also of the NWA show) and my new boo, Julie Bohannon. But that's not all.

Brian auditioned and read in the NWA show this year. It was so much fun to sit in the audience and enjoy the show from that perspective, of course. But, it was way, way, way cool to hear my husband say his kind and sweet words about me being a mother in his own words. Gah! How I love that man.

So, while we don't have a sex tap that we're sharing on YouTube, we do have something that makes us way more cooler than any naked Kardashian. We have our own words, in our own voices. Thank you, Ann Imig for your vision of Listen To Your Mother.

Enjoy--I'd love to know what you think of them.

And ... next year ... think about telling YOUR story.

What A Man

This picture was not last night.
Oddly enough, we didn't take a selfie.
I'm losing my touch.
Also, I think it's ridiculous that I'm opening with this picture;
however, I've placed it a million times and each time
it ends up at the top. I give up.
It's too early after a too late night and I'm hungry.

Last year, I was cast as an inaugural member of the Listen To Your Mother show in Northwest Arkansas. I had been following the progression of the show since Ann Imig (mother of LTYM) had her first show a few years before. The year before last, the show expanded to Chicago and Austin. I contemplated the ten hour drive to Austin and decided that it really wasn't feasible ... but I contemplated it nonetheless. I really wanted to be in the show.

Then Northwest Arkansas got a show last year and I knew the three-hour drive was totally doable. I auditioned, was cast, and became sold on the value of the show.

Leftovers

Rarely do I prepare a dinner that appeals to all four of us. Obviously, I always like what I cook. Typically, Brian will eat what's in front of him--or at least tolerate it. Daughter 2 is not so picky, but she's learning to play around in the kitchen, so she's taken to fixing her own meal.

Then there's Daughter 1.

Five Things I Learned from Listen To Your Mother

1. When a good friend says, "I'll totally do your roots for you," then I should totally go get my roots did. A friend will tell you your roots look fine, but a good friend will color you up.

2.  I can hold my composure throughout stories of addiction and loss and grief and infertility because I see the beauty in every story. But if I'm given a gift card for a pedicure? I'm a blubbering mess.

3. If I am surrounded by smart, beautiful, strong women, we are a force to be reckoned with. And we will sell out a show. Three times. Boom. I also learned that I will only have cleavage like Misti if Brian wins the lottery. It's okay. I own that truth.

 4.  When I hear a dull humming sound, it is probably not a stroke, but it will take a few moments and a clenched jaw from Misti for me to realize that. And when I do realize it's not a stroke, I can run in pole-dancing wedges ... down back alleys ... into sold-out, SRO theaters and glare like a mad momma at the sound man. Then run in pole-dancing wedges again.

5. There are beautiful people all over the world. And I got to spend all day on Sunday with some of the most beautiful people. 

Weekly Run Down--May 4

What a great week it has been. My most popular post this week was one where I called out Nicholas Sparks as a saddist. I'm not sure if it had anything to do with the "just-because" picture of Channing Tatum or not, but who cares? It's Channing Tatum.

Twice in one week, Mr Tatum's made my blog.
source

Also this week, I (along with my friend Jennifer McMurrain) was filmed for The List. They came to my house, so I had to clean it up. It was almost a deal breaker. Almost. It was really sweet having another famous blogger open for me. She was kinda like the T-Town Tunes to my Bon Jovi. Oh yeah, I went there. 

I had a couple of great reviews to wind down the month with as well.  Check out what Brandi Barnett had  to say.  She's also giving away a copy!

My friend Sarah White got the first copy of her book this week and still took the time to post about TMI Mom.

And the good people over at Science of Parenthood hosted me up in their crib for a really fun interview.

To round out the week, I'm kinda involved in this fun little show in OKC called Listen To Your Mother. We've sold the show out twice--twice y'all. I hope you have your tickets and I hope to see you there!

Conversation of the Week

Daughter 2: So I'll be in the Listen To Your Mother show?

Me: No, you'll pass out the programs.

Daughter 2: Same difference. Will you be my boss about that?

Me: Pretty much.

Daughter 2: Dang. I'd rather be in the Listen to Misti show...

Weekend Update

It's been a busy week for Momma.

This week, my daughter's birthday party from the rejects of Pintrest was the most read post on Minivan-Momma.com.

Over at Chick-Wit, I pledged some crazy things for a million likes.   And I chatted it up with my chicks about The Unfinished Life of Elizabeth D.

In my hometown newspaper, The Examiner Enterprise, I posted about lying to your kids. It's not all bad.

And finally, as co-producer of the Listen To Your Mother--Oklahoma City show, I was pleased as punch to call for submissions. I hope YOU'LL submit to or for us. ;)

Listen to ... ME!

Once upon a time I crashed an application party and found myself as the co-producer of the Listen To Your Mother show in Oklahoma City. Cool thing is that submissions are OPEN!!  You've been reading me for years--now I wanna read YOU. So, go ... get the deets ... submit. You know you want to.

Weekend Update

Where have I been this week?? Well ...

I met with my fellow OKC Mothers, Misti and Julie and we plotted and planned our Listen To Your Mother show. I waxed poetic about it HERE.

I made some not-at-all-snooty sangria over at FunnyNotSlutty.com. Check that out HERE.

Over at the hen house that is Chick-Wit.com, I make a bunch of predictions for the new year. I believe I gave the Long Island Medium a run for her money. Read my forecast HERE.

My column hit the presses at my local newspaper. In this column, I chat it up about the college football bowl games. Find out if I ever see the end HERE.

And finally, I held hands with my girls Stephanie and Mari and we jumped feet first into this new adventure called Oklahoma Women Bloggers. Y'all? It's pretty cool.

Listen To Your Mother - Shine all over Oklahoma

Last April, I got to shine. I was in a little show called Listen To Your Mother in Northwest Arkansas. I shared the stage with thirteen other amazing women who told their stories of motherhood. Some made ya think. Some made ya cry (big ugly hiccuping cries). Some made ya laugh. I hope I made ya laugh. The thing that struck me most, however, was the friendships I made with my castmates. I love them all dearly.

Friday Film: Listen To Your Mother

Once upon a time in a land far, far away (Arkansas), I was in a little show that quickly became a big, big part of my life: Listen To Your Mother. The brainchild of Ann Imig, Listen To Your Mother gives mothers a microphone. Lela Davidson (one of my favorite people to stalk) and Stephanie McCratic (who is my own personal Oprah) led the charge and brought this fabulous show to Northwest Arkansas and... AND... they let me be a part of it!  Honestly, aside from getting married and birthing The Daughters, I would easily say that Listen To Your Mother is one of the coolest things I've ever been a part of.

Here, you can find the first set of videos. You'll want to check out the NWA Mothers first - they are simply the coolest Mothers out there. You will laugh. You will cry. You will think deep thoughts. You'll be thankful and giddy, and you'll want to be friends with every single one of these amazing women. I'm still in awe that I'm friends with them! I'm a cool kid when I'm around them.

And right here, you can watch me reading my LTYM piece, Sexy Back. I'd love to hear what you think.

I'd also like for YOU to overshare now... what private item of yours has made it to the public arena?

Happy birthday to Blacklisted From The PTA! - Edited with Winner!

Winner (as selected by Random.org) is LisaLang66!!  Email me your mailing address at Minivan.Momma.2@gmail.com and I'll pass it on to Lela!  Thanks so much for playing!!


When I was much, much younger, my momma took me to an outdoor concert where I got to meet Hank Thompson. (Go ahead, click the link.  I barely know who he is, and I was there.) Years later, we turned around on a turnpike (No, I won't tell you which turnpike because it's illegal, and we did it) to follow Neal McCoy's tour bus.  Really, my mom is not a country music junkie.  I know she's not a country music junkie because one night, we waited in a dark alley outside of the Tulsa Performing Arts Center to meet Yanni, who is not a country music singer nor is he tall.

Oh yes he did, Part II

Last week, after The Dad pronounced my outfit frumpy (he hates that I keep saying that), the next day we went to the mall.  That's right.  We went to the mall on a Friday night with The Daughters.  (That sentence could easily be used to prove our lack of competency.)  We strolled into a typical mall clothing store and began our night of torture.

Oh, yes he did!

I hate shopping.  Can't stand it.  I hate browsing through the endless aisles of clothes that may or may not fit, that may or may not be the right color, that may or may not cost more than my annual income.  I hate shopping.  The End.

Listen To Your Mother GIVEAWAY!

Yesterday, I went to the readthrough for Listen To Your Mother in Fayetteville, AR.  We'd all "met" each other on Facebook and Twitter and a few of us actually knew each other, old school (ya know, face to face).  But this was the first time that most of us were able to be in the same room at the same time and for that, I brought out the clinical strenth deodorant.  I'm not great at meeting new people (in fact, I'm really sucky at it), but to meet new and talented people was nothing short of nerve-wracking for me.