Another Funny Water Park Post

A few days after our trip to our local water park, the girls and I took a road trip to the super-fantastical colorful water park, Big Splash, that they always beg me to take them to, but I'm to cheap to actually take them. Turns out, I got a Groupon or three and all of a sudden I'm the world's best mom.

There was a lot of discussion about the super-big drop off slide. Both girls decided they'd go down it. I thought nothing of it since I had gone down that exact slide and several like it when I was their age.

But, that was back when hormones raged through my body in a much different way than they rage now.

Daughter 1 decided to wait before going down the slide. She's a little bit more cautious than her younger sister.

Daughter 2, on the other hand, wasted no time climbing about a hundred stories up to the slide. Her sister and I stood at the foot of the slide waiting for her to make the trek. Finally, we spied her at the top. She was getting the safety instructions from the life guard and then she got into position at the top of the slide.

That's when it happened.

That's when I peed my pants.

This should surprise no one at all.

PS--Daughter 1 eventually went down the slide as well. By that time, I had my bladder under control. That and we both squeezed our eyes shut.

Lessons From The Water Park

The last day of school, Daughter 2 won a pass for six people to our local water park. Each girl picked a friend and we set out for a day of fun.

Well, the word fun is relative, right?

I'm a 44-year-old momma. The water park doesn't hold the same mystic it used to hold for me when I was say ... much younger. Just willing myself to wear my skirted bathing suit out in public where the general public could judge me, well, it just wasn't shouting fun to me. But, I love my girls and I skirted up and went.

While I lay in the shade (skin cancer is scary, yo), I contemplated the many lessons the water park had taught me since I had become a momma.

1. I am not the best momma out there. I sat next to a woman who dragged her kids out of the pool every thirty minutes to reapply. Then they had to sit there and drink their water to stay hydrated. And before they could go back in, she made them go to the bathroom and wash their hands. She did this all with a smile. She also had dark circles under her eyes and looked like she hadn't slept since the turn of the century, but you could tell she had this mothering thing down pat, as dictated by all the parenting magazines.

2. I am not the worst momma out there. I could be all catty and judgmental without knowing why that one momma was dressed inappropriately for a water park and stayed on her phone for a full forty-five minutes while her preschool aged child flitted from one adult to another asking for help with her arm floaties and sunscreen and such. But, I won't be that way. Seriously. Who am I to judge? I mean, she could have been participating in a job interview. You know, a job interview that ended with, "Come over after she's in bed, and I'll crack you like a walnut between my thighs." Whatever that means.

3. There are a lot of people at water parks who never use the bathroom. That can only mean one thing: They pee in the pool. I, on the other hand, went to the bathroom. It was disgusting. Related? I got in the pool just once.

4. Being proud of my grey hair can be disastrous. Before we left the house, I grabbed a hat and started to pull my hair underneath it. Then, I thought twice about it. I am growing out my grey hair, and I've actually gotten more compliments about it than I have any other hair style or color I've had in the past ten years. I tossed that hat back on the rack and walked out the door. Turns out, that I wear a hat at the water park not to hide my grey, but to shade my eyes. I made do, though.

5. I will go to the water park exactly one week before I get a new pedicure. I don't schedule it like that or anything. It just happens.

6. There will be that one kid. Every single time we go to the water park, there will be that one kid who pukes or poops and the whole park will close down. This will force us to get a pass to go across town to the other swimming pool that is gigantically bigger but doesn't have the same toys and rides.

7. Even without toys and rides, my kids and their friends will make their own fun. And watching them have fun makes me rethink number 1 on this list. Not for long, but long enough to make me smile.