Truth In Advertising

I'm trying a new thing tomorrow: I'm roasting a chicken in the crock pot. Pinterest has assured me that this $7.42 chicken will taste just as good if not better than the rotisserie chicken that Hellmart sells for a dollar cheaper.  As I prepared my crock pot and my dreams of a yummy smelling house, I was taken aback by the words FRESH and YOUNG. I am sure that some foodie somewhere will be all giggly over the prospect of roasting a a fresh young chicken with parts of his/her giblets missing. But, I would prefer that Tyson take my hand, look me square in the eye and lie to me. I wouldn't think twice about buying a chicken that was labled "Old and Fulfilled Chicken, died in a pasture as he was free-ranging with all of his giblets in tact."

I'm sure that labeling wouldn't sell to anyone except me.

And speaking of me and speaking of truth in advertising, I do still call myself a blogger. If anything this past year has taught me it's this: Things change. If this is life-changing news to you, please do yourself a favor and turn off Netflix.

I do love writing-slash-blogging, but this past year has found me spinning with the changes and the one thing that I allowed to suffer was my blog. In trying to keep my family from becoming too dizzy and trying to do my job to the best of my abilities and trying to keep my head above water ... or at least above the occasional glass of sangria I partake in every once in a while. 

I think--I think--I'm doing okay enough to try and get a handle on my blogging again. 

So, I feel safe enough in keeping my "blogger" label for now ... even if it is prefaced with "old and fulfilled."

Ignore the "best by" date--it's been in the freezer

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Saturday in the Ozarks with OWL

How was your weekend? Mine? I've had a great, great day! I love any day that I can talk about writing, meet great people and chillax with my family. And all of that happened this weekend.

Ozarks Writers League (OWL) invited me to speak with them today. Last night, we started at Ye Olde English Inn in Hollister. Because my family loves a good adventure, they came along.

Ye Old English Inn really was an amazing place to stay. When I was growing up, my family used to come to the Branson area, and Hollister was just down the road from our little cabin on the Taneycomo. So, getting to stay here made me a little bit nostalgic. But, that was okay because one of my topics today was Telling Your Story: Writing Memoir While Still Living Your Life.

Ye Old English Inn uses these. 

The Daughters had no idea why we would be given a key.

"What's this for?" they asked.

Technology allowed Brian and I to recall the days of yore when you didn't slide a card or punch in numbers in order to unlock doors. Ahhh ... The good ol' days. If only there had been a Bon Jovi concert locally for me to throw the key upon the stage ...

While there was no Bon Jovi, our room did overlooked the outdoor bar where a band was playing. So, we raised those windows, stuck the girls in bed and listened to our own live music show from the comfort of our bed, wearing our pajamas. This was the next best thing to Bon Jovi.

My second presentation was about blogging. Surprise! Y'all know I have a thing for blogging. If blogging were a person, I might be open to having an open marriage. (Not really. Do NOT email with offers and propositions ... unless they include head shots.)

This day? It was fabulous. I loved visiting with the writers of OWL and the other speaker, Christina Butler-Taylor. The people I met today are nothing short of generous with their kindness and welcoming of a fellow spinner of words. If you're a writer in the Ozark area and are looking for encouragement and like-minded writers, you'll find a home with OWL, to be sure.

And me? I'll go to bed satisfied with a great day, and I'll probably send The Daughter to bed with my regaling stories about how we used to think these devices were totes cool.

Another Funny Water Park Post

A few days after our trip to our local water park, the girls and I took a road trip to the super-fantastical colorful water park, Big Splash, that they always beg me to take them to, but I'm to cheap to actually take them. Turns out, I got a Groupon or three and all of a sudden I'm the world's best mom.

There was a lot of discussion about the super-big drop off slide. Both girls decided they'd go down it. I thought nothing of it since I had gone down that exact slide and several like it when I was their age.

But, that was back when hormones raged through my body in a much different way than they rage now.

Daughter 1 decided to wait before going down the slide. She's a little bit more cautious than her younger sister.

Daughter 2, on the other hand, wasted no time climbing about a hundred stories up to the slide. Her sister and I stood at the foot of the slide waiting for her to make the trek. Finally, we spied her at the top. She was getting the safety instructions from the life guard and then she got into position at the top of the slide.

That's when it happened.

That's when I peed my pants.

This should surprise no one at all.

PS--Daughter 1 eventually went down the slide as well. By that time, I had my bladder under control. That and we both squeezed our eyes shut.

Lessons From The Water Park

The last day of school, Daughter 2 won a pass for six people to our local water park. Each girl picked a friend and we set out for a day of fun.

Well, the word fun is relative, right?

I'm a 44-year-old momma. The water park doesn't hold the same mystic it used to hold for me when I was say ... much younger. Just willing myself to wear my skirted bathing suit out in public where the general public could judge me, well, it just wasn't shouting fun to me. But, I love my girls and I skirted up and went.

While I lay in the shade (skin cancer is scary, yo), I contemplated the many lessons the water park had taught me since I had become a momma.

1. I am not the best momma out there. I sat next to a woman who dragged her kids out of the pool every thirty minutes to reapply. Then they had to sit there and drink their water to stay hydrated. And before they could go back in, she made them go to the bathroom and wash their hands. She did this all with a smile. She also had dark circles under her eyes and looked like she hadn't slept since the turn of the century, but you could tell she had this mothering thing down pat, as dictated by all the parenting magazines.

2. I am not the worst momma out there. I could be all catty and judgmental without knowing why that one momma was dressed inappropriately for a water park and stayed on her phone for a full forty-five minutes while her preschool aged child flitted from one adult to another asking for help with her arm floaties and sunscreen and such. But, I won't be that way. Seriously. Who am I to judge? I mean, she could have been participating in a job interview. You know, a job interview that ended with, "Come over after she's in bed, and I'll crack you like a walnut between my thighs." Whatever that means.

3. There are a lot of people at water parks who never use the bathroom. That can only mean one thing: They pee in the pool. I, on the other hand, went to the bathroom. It was disgusting. Related? I got in the pool just once.

4. Being proud of my grey hair can be disastrous. Before we left the house, I grabbed a hat and started to pull my hair underneath it. Then, I thought twice about it. I am growing out my grey hair, and I've actually gotten more compliments about it than I have any other hair style or color I've had in the past ten years. I tossed that hat back on the rack and walked out the door. Turns out, that I wear a hat at the water park not to hide my grey, but to shade my eyes. I made do, though.

5. I will go to the water park exactly one week before I get a new pedicure. I don't schedule it like that or anything. It just happens.

6. There will be that one kid. Every single time we go to the water park, there will be that one kid who pukes or poops and the whole park will close down. This will force us to get a pass to go across town to the other swimming pool that is gigantically bigger but doesn't have the same toys and rides.

7. Even without toys and rides, my kids and their friends will make their own fun. And watching them have fun makes me rethink number 1 on this list. Not for long, but long enough to make me smile.

Seven

My friend, Jennifer, and I recently had a conversation about food. I told her that our taste buds change every seven years. It's true. Well, it's true as far as I know. In fact, I know a lot of stuff, kinda. You want me on your trivia team. Trust me on this one. But, that's not the point of this post. Unless you are looking for a trivia team member, then here I am!

Anyway ...

We then talked about how things seem to change every seven years. You keep your tax stuff and financial stuff for seven years. Seven is supposed to be a lucky number. Seven is a Biblical significant number. And it got me to thinking about my writing--my blogging.

Source

I actually started blogging (for the third time) in January of 2006. I've been blogging for over seven years. Eight years, if you want to get all mathematical about it.

Since then, we've moved several times; I've gotten two IUDs (not at the same time); Daughter 1 is starting her last year of middle school; Brian was outted as The Dad; I've become a published author! (You've read my books, right?) I've scored a regular segment on Tulsa Live. I'm a syndicated columnist. Brian and I have changed jobs ... twice for me, more for Brian. Daughter 2 is becoming quite the softball player, and Daughter 1 will certainly be the next Christina Kim.

And in the past few months, our lives have changed even more since my own momma had her stroke and has now moved in with us. (She's doing very well, y'all. Thanks for the thoughts and prayers!)

What's my point? I'm not really sure other than my blogging has suffered. I'm still, though, composing blog posts in my head almost constantly. Blogging, my friends, is one of my favorite things ... I'm not sure why I've forsaken it in the past few months, but I plan on changing that.

For the next seven days? I will blog. Daily. That's one week.

Seven.

Keep reading. I'll be back tomorrow.

2013, You've Sure Been Good

I love the New Year ... a time for new beginnings. That's always a welcome event, unless you're winning and the game isn't over and someone calls "Do Overs" then that kinda ticks me off. Nonetheless, I love the New Year.

In anticipation of this fresh start, let's look back over the year.

Source

In January, D2 celebrated her ninth birthday, and I harassed my cousins.

In February, I taught my kid the definition of rectal, and I took pole dancing classes.

March brought us strep throat (hallelujah!), and I showed off my dope rappin' skillz, yo.

April brought us (you, especially, but it made me happy, too) MY BOOK! And, I called out another author ... apparently you people like sap.

What a great month May was--I learned a lot and fell in love with my man all over again.

In June, we went camping, and I let it all hang out.

My husband pretended to be a Pretty Woman expert in July, and I entertained people in the Hellmart Parking Lot.

August found me in my gyno's office with a list of suggestions, and I reminisced about D1's first note from school.

In September, I met George Straight and D2 met a bull, and I got pissed about the VMAs.

October brought a wake-up call for us as a family and we counted down to Thanksgiving, and D1 and I chatted about spooky things.

In November, I had an opportunity to be kind and I took it, but it cost me, and Getting Lucky was published--you've read it, right?

And that brings us to December, where I felt a connection with Noah, and I had to help Brian take off his trunks.

My Favorite Things: Lazy Sundays

During the school year, there are very few Sundays that don't require my attention to something school-ish. (There's a special place in hell for people who think teachers only work 8:00 - 3:00 Monday through Friday nine months out of the year. And that special place is filled with ADHD kids who are out of meds and their helicopter parents.) Where was I?

Oh, yeah. There are only a few Sundays during the school year during which I have nothing to do. Today was one of them.

I still have a to-do list a mile long involving books, blogging, writing, school, house, daughters, husband, dogs, cats, dust bunnies, yard work, quantum physics, whatever. But, tomorrow, I have no obligations, so I can work on them tomorrow and take today to be lazy, which is what I've done so far.

I like Sundays anyway. Sunday school and worship services are a great start to the day if for no other reason than that I have to be unplugged. I turn off my phone when we pull into the parking lot and turn it back on when we pull away from the parking spot. For that time, I am unplugged and no one can disturb me. (There are other reasons why I like my Sunday school and worship services, but that's all I'm jumping into at this time in this space.)

We usually go to our friend's pizzeria for lunch--it's a buffet, so there's no arguing and no waiting.

When we get home, I tackle my to-do list for the weekend/Monday.

But, since we are still on Christmas break, I snooze.

I kno what you're thinking: Heather got a new hair cut.
This isn't me. I'm not this tan.
Source

I woke up in time for Daughter 2 to go to her sleepover. Then I shipped Daughter 1 off to her youth group. And here I sit. Relaxing. And blogging.

There's not often that we, in our ever-connected world, get a chance to just sit, so today, I'm taking time to do just that. I'm enjoying a lazy Sunday. It's one of my favorite things.

Also, since The Daughters aren't home, I'm eating the Christmas candy I've stashed throughout the house. It's also one of my favorite things.

My Favorite Things: ShaRhonda Crow

Today's Favorite Thing is ShaRhonda Crow. I only met ShaRhonda a year ago, but I can tell you this: I love keeping up with her through her blog and on our Facebook. She's the epitome of Super Mom. I hope you enjoy her as much as I do!

My favorite things this time of year are not things for myself necessarily, but activities, traditions and memories that I help create for others.

1. Photo Books: On November 1, I begin gathering our favorite family snapshots for my mother and mother in law. I place these order from November to October 31st story order. I believe firmly in this quote...

2. Before Thanksgiving, my church hosts "A Christmas Gathering". This year was our 10th anniversary. This event is comparable to where Oprah meets HGTV in a church setting. I guarantee you a blessed time. You will walk away with gifts and be ready to face the holiday season the way it is meant to be. I encourage you now to mark your calendars now for the first Sunday in October to get your ticket. They go fast & furious! (https://secure.accessacs.com/access/events/upcoming.aspx)

3. Thanksgiving Eve. Bass Pro Santa in my opinion is the best Santa ever! My kids see the jolly old soul on Turkey Eve every year. Then we go out to eat or like this year I made Cinese at home. We decorate our tree and if the lights are on the house already they get turned on for the first time.

4. Thanksgiving night, the doorbell rings and our Scout Elves appear. This is our third year to participate in The Elf on the Shelf tradition. I make special care not to confuse the true meaning of the season with the elves. My family blog hosts a weekly linkup where you can show what your elf had been up to during the week.

5. Rhema Lights. Enough said. If you haven't driven through this display in my little big city of Broken Arrow, Oklahoma it is a must. I even encourage you to park and walk around. Maybe even a carriage ride.

6. A Very Pinteresting Christmas Party. This year will make my second year to host this fun night of friends, food and crafting. I don't know about you, but I need my girlfriend time. It's very rare that I get to play host and I love hosting. I invite a few of my favorite friends and neighbors over and we craft and eat Pinterest style. December 2-December 20 I will have a daily linkup featuring Pinterest inspired crafts, foods and activities.

7. Christmas Cards. I love getting cards. I love sending cards. My cards are always picture cards. Usually of my kids. Most of my aunts and uncles still do not have social media, so the do not get to see my kids daily. Snail mail is almost obsolete, except for bills. I like for my kids to know that all family members must get a Christmas greeting!

8. Cousins. I have a lot. My kids have 9 on my side and 2 on their dad's side. We make sure that we spend time with cousins during Christmas. Eating, playing with toys, four wheeling, golf carts, feeding cows...it's all about the memories.

9. Christmas Eve Gifts for the Neighbors. Before my children are allowed to open a single gift at our home, they deliver gifts to our neighbors. They don their Santa hats and bag and walk up and down the street. When Miss K was little she was pulled in the wagon. My kids know that it is better to give than receive. I love that the neighbors know my kids and look out for them. Another fun Christmas Eve tradition that my husbands family does is be the first to say "Christmas Eve Gift" to someone- whether in person or the phone.

10. Christmas Day. We always wake up in our own home on Christmas morning. My personal saying is, "if you believe, you receive".  With an almost 13 year old, obviously I am having to emphasize this much more, especially in front of his 6 year old sister.

I say that these 10 things aren't for me, but in a way they are. My favorite things to do are what make me happy and what give me my magic for holiday season. After all seeing the joy of my loved ones is the best gift I can receive from anyone here on earth.

#NaBloPoMo: Judging Books By Their Covers

I would make the world's worst eye witness to a crime or an accident.

What was the perp wearing? Ummm ... black or maybe white. Long sleeves or ... short sleeves.

What color was his hair? He was either bald or had a mullet. Maybe he had a 'fro.

What did he do? He robbed that woman. Unless he was petting a dog. Or wait, I'm sure he helped that  Boy Scout across the busy street.

I'm horrible when it comes to immediately remembering details. But, I totally judge books by their covers. It's probably what drew me to Buzz Books USA first and foremost.

I like book covers that make me stop in my tracks and think, "WOW! What's that about?"

I like book covers that pop, and I kinda hafta blink.

I like book covers that catch my eye and make me smile or laugh or giggle or sigh.

But, I really, really like my book covers.

#NaBloPoMo: My first ever blog post ... or why I started blogging

Almost seven years ago, I started a blog. The truth is that I had started a couple of blogs before then, but couldn't remember what they were called or where they were located or what I said. And I didn't tell anyone about them. What if they read them, y'all??

Then, I got an email from my cousin Maggie. She had started a blog.

Me, The Daughters, My Own Momma and my cousin Maggie at
Listen To Your Mother--OKC, one of the many, many opportunities
the blogging has presented to me.

She has two kids, and our younger kidlets were born just a few months apart. She lived in a small-ish town in the northwestern part of our state. She was far, far from home. A blog was a great way for her to keep the rest of the world outside of northwestern Oklahoma in touch with her family and her life.

So, I started a blog, again. (It was a riviting first post, y'all.) Ya know. To keep the rest of the world outside of northeastern Oklahoma in touch with my family and my life. Also, I wanted to keep up with Maggie.

It turned out that I really liked blogging. I started telling people about my blog. I emailed everyone I know to tell them about my blog. I wanted everyone to read it, and, in case I forgot the address again, I'd have a hundred or so people with an email from me telling all about it.

I evolved and started blogging on a local newsite. I kept it fairly anonymous and called myself Minivan Momma. Then, one week after turning down a job to manage their website, the site was redesigned and Minivan Momma, which had quite a following, was homeless. And that's when I started this little gig. (Very evolved first post--go give it a read.)

And there ya have it. How I got my oversharing start.

P.S.:  About a year later, I got an email from an old high school friend. She informed me that another one of our classmates had started a blog, and she said I should check it out. It was a pretty fun read.

"Why?"

"Can I go with you, Momma?" Both daughters have asked. Not at the same time, of course, that would require that they work together and since this past weekend was an extended weekend, working together had long gone out the door.

"Nope," I said, only half-apologetically. I would love to have a weekend with just my family away in the wooded wilderness, but this is not the weekend for this. "It's for regular bloggers who are adult women only." I gave a very detailed description of the attendees so that they wouldn't think there was a chance they could go with me.

"But why are you going?" Good question. Good question, indeed.

I'm going away this weekend to Arkansas Women Bloggers Unplugged. I went last year and had a great time. In fact, last year, I got to visit with Stephanie Buckley, the beautiful blogger behind The Park Wife and the founder of The Women Bloggers. And when Steph and I visited, she asked me to start up and manage Oklahoma Women Bloggers. And the year since has been nothing short of amazing.

"But why are you going, Momma?" they have each whined multiple times. And it's a valid question. I want to go because I am really looking forward to the break--let's be clear on that point, of course. I want to go so that I can socialize with other women who put their lives on the internet for all to read as well--there are a lot of us, but we're a rare breed. I want to go so that I can learn new things and teach new things as well.  I go with that answer because I hope they see me as a lifelong learner and choose to be a lifelong learner for themselves.

"To learn how to be a better blogger."

"Why do you want to be a better blogger?" Ideally, I'd love to earn a living as a blogger. I'd love to write all day long. But, even if that opportunity presented itself, I'd have to be really passionate about writing--and that's what started me on this bloggy road in the first place. A passion to write and share and tell stories. They know what passion means; we've emphasized that word time and again with them. Be passionate about what you do ...

"Because I'm passionate about telling my story ... and your stories as well."

"Why do you want to tell our stories, Momma?" If only they knew how brilliant they are. If only they know how smart and beautiful they are. If only they knew how creative and thoughtful and thought-provoking they are. But right now, they don't know. Eventually they'll get it, but not now.

" I want to tell your stories so that when you are older, you'll have your life written down ... by me. It's a gift to you. My blog is my love letter to you ... "

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"That and y'all do some really funny stuff."