The Class of No-Class

We’ve hit the most dreaded season of all;  Not swimsuit season; not hotter than all heck season; and not tick and chigger season.  During the next three months, most high schools and colleges will host their annual class reunions.  Groan with me now, won’t ya?

IKR

Fine.  I’ll admit it:  Our older daughter, at 10 years old, has a cell phone.  We call it the “house phone” since we gave up our landline many years ago and became a totally cellular family.  The house phone, however, is used almost exclusively by our older daughter.  Fine, I’ll admit it: I use it to sometimes call myself when I misplace my own phone, but that’s neither here nor there.

Worst Nightmare

It's a parent's worst nightmare: A missing child.

Last week, terror peeked into every local parents' hearts as the breaking news team reported a two-year-old boy as missing. His father had been doing yard work when he discovered his child missing. The local police were called in and they began a canvas of the neighborhood. No foul play was suspected, but it wasn't dismissed as a possibility either.

Dude. It's bacon.

Several years back, McDonalds had an ad campaign that included a re-make of their commercial jingle from when my husband and I were kids.  We giggled as we sang along and were instantly transported back to our innocent childhood full of trans fats.  We commented that our generation had made it to decision-making status.  They were in charge and were bringing back that which made us happy as children. 

Where's a super six?

Nadia Suleman, Octomom, is a busy mom.  She’s got 14 kids – even if she weren’t working outside the home (which she claims she’s doing but no one else seems to know anything about this)– she’s going to be busy.  Even if a mom has just one kiddo she’s responsible for, she’s going to be busy.  That’s how we momma’s roll.

But she said "Please"

Newport Beach’s CosmetiCare Plastic Surgery Center is home to Dr. Michael Niccole, who – with one act of stupidism – firmly established his daughters as life-long therapy candidates.

Stalking Pays Off

Stalking is a long-standing traditionin my family.  I remember the night my own momma made me stand in a dark alley in downtown Tulsa to shake hands with her favorite musician (at that time).  ONce we finally got to meet Yanni and shake his bony little hand, we quickly raced across the street to the family minivan and locked the doors as we slammed them shut lest we be mugged by the criminals who had been stalking us since the concert let out.

Back off, Baby

 I’m not a really big pop culture aficionado.  I do know the entire cast of Jersey Shore (and offer no apologies for that).  I know that Steven Tyler is the coolest judge American Idol has ever had.  I also know that the Kardashians get way more attention than they deserve.  My tacky pedicure should garner more attention than that family!  But, that’s about as far as my current pop-culture goes.

No Show

The Dad and I headed out last week to see The Hunger Games on opening day. I read the trilogy first and basically wouldn't shut up about it, so The Dad read them in preparation to watch the movie and to interject an opinion or two during my rants and raves about this amazing series.

It's not fair, Jacob!

Jacob Clark, a resident of Massachusetts, was called for jury duty.   Confused by the summons, he first sought advice from his grandmother who told him it was a good excuse to get out of school for the day.  That’s right:  school.  It seems that someone entered his birthday as 1982 instead of 2002.  Jacob, my friends, is only nine years old.

Where a Parent Loses Her Brain

Recently, on two different occasions, two different children belonging to two different families in two different cities were left behind at two different Chuck E. Cheese pizza parlors.  Having recently been to a massive play-and-eat establishment, I can say – without hesitation – that I understand just how those mommas and daddies were eager to get the heck outta dodge.

Momma Says: A question for MTV

My 10-year-old daughter and I were standing in line last week and she asked if we could get a magazine.  On the cover of this magazine was a “star” of the MTV series Teen Mom.  For several reasons, but the main one being the lack of time, energy and want-to, we don’t watch the show.  The premise, however, is that several real-life pregnant teenagers get to live out their pregnancies and early motherhood days on television for all the world to see.

Is Thumper's Momma on Facebook?

The African nation of Zimbabwe will soon cane a 17-year-old for his tasteless comments on Facebook.   Apparently, the 17-year-old orphaned boy used his mobile device to snap a picture of a co-worker who was dressed inappropriately, then uploaded the photo to his Facebook page calling her a “prostitute.”  He then used the same mobile device to call the co-worker and tell her about what he had just done.  She, in turn, called the police, and the rest is for the court reporter to tell.

'Til Text Do We Part

Experts the world over are becoming more and more concerned with the slow but sure death of the traditional date.  In a day and age when "boy meets girl" is replaced with "boy sexts girl" we are sure to see a strange new day revealed in our relationships.

Teach Our Children Well

The TV just happened to be on last week as Daughter 1 and I sat together in the living room.  Neither of us was actually watching it, or so I thought, as we each had an electronic device in our hands and we were bonding over a riveting game of Words With Friends.  (She won.)

No Good Deed

Angut Kiest, an unemployed Greenland-er, found himself in an interesting predicament.  In 2008, unable to find a job, he went to the bank in to close out his account and hope for the best.  What he found, instead, was a tempting  situation.  His account had been credited with approximately 180,000 euros – or as we like to say stateside, “A whole lotta cold, hard cash.”   (For those of you doing the conversion on your iPhones even as we speak, that’s almost a quarter of a million dollars.)

Define "Top"

For Christmas, Santa delivered Kindle Fires to two very deserving and very smart daughters in one family.  Christmas night, the family sat down together to discuss the rules of purchasing an app for their Fires.  The rules were clear:  Read the reviews and run each and every download by their parents.

They don't understand

First published in 2009

Daughter 1 & I (and this year Daughter 2) have had this conversation.  We've had it almost every year since Daughter 1 has started school.  It starts with this question: 

Mom?  Why is Martin Luther King's birthday a holiday?

Sleep - it's for the weak!

Yahoo Health recently released its timeline for good and productive sleep.  As a truly sleep-deprived momma, this totally peaked my interested.  So I clicked on the link and took a short little doze while waiting for the page to load.

What happened to the long haul?

Last week in Italy, “Antonio C” discovered, while cleaning out the dresser drawers, letters between his wife and her lover.  He confronted his beloved over the alleged indiscretions, and she tearfully admitted to the affair but promised the affair was a thing of the past and begged his forgiveness.  Antonio, a man who is apparently not to be reckoned with, would hear nothing of the sort and filed for divorce, giving up on their 77-year marriage.